I’ve been fine being the bad guy, but I don’t want a single person to view her in that role.
I take a deep breath, scrub the side of my neck, and release the air slowly. “I made a lot of promises to Emaly over the years. Our story wasn’t only mine to tell. Everything we did, we did for her. It wasn’t my right to offer up the information to anybody, no matter how much…” My throat bobs as I let the words fade.
Winter pierces me with a look.
“No matter how much what?” she presses, the same way I did with her when she wasn’t being entirely forthcoming with her feelings.
I try to come up with an answer that’s honest, no matter how scary it is.
“You told me you’d tell me whatever I wanted to know,” she says, eyes still pinning me to my seat. “I want to know what this is, Thomas. Because it’s terrifying me. I’m scared, and I don’t know what’s going to happen now. You were right when you said I didn’t like always having to be in control. But Ineedcontrol. Ineedanswers. I need to know it’s going to be okay because I haven’t been for so long.”
Her fear hits me right in the chest and grips it with sharp talons. “You’re not the only one who’s scared, sweetheart. This is terrifying for me too. Because I’ve never had to be real for anybody. I could be surface-level and unimportant, knowing whatever I had with them was temporary. But this isn’t that. And I think you know it, which makes it even scarier.”
Her throat bobs with a swallow.
“And I will do everything in my power to make sure that itwillbe okay. I don’t know how. Not yet. But I’ll be right here, right beside you, if you’ll let me.”
Please let me.
If she tells me she doesn’t want that, I’ll respect it. If she insists that this is too much, I’ll let it go. Lethergo. But I will never be the same.
I dig my fingers into the arm of the chair when the silence wraps around us until I can’t take it anymore. “One more secret,” I tell her, throat bobbing. Her eyes lift again, meeting mine with hesitation. “I’ve always accepted that being alone is easier than sharing my life with someone. I have a lot of wants that I’ve suppressed because I knew it wouldn’t matter if Emaly and Iwere going to keep this charade up. But I’m going to say them now, because I’m tired of pretending like they don’t matter.”
I close my eyes but feel her gaze on me all the same. I take a silent, deep breath and exhale slowly. “I want to love somebody the way Emaly loves Ronnie. I want somebody to come to my games. I want somebody to celebrate my birthday with, even if it’s a homemade dinner at home. I want to stop being the villain in everybody’s story, because I’m tired of it. I’m tired of feeling like I have to play a role rather than be myself. I want to play hockey and surround myself with people I love. I want…”
My eyes find hers. “I want you,” I admit, shrugging. “I want you to give me a real chance. I want to take you on dates. Not in a corner booth at a dark restaurant, but somewhere nice where I can hold your hand and kiss you in public. I don’t want any more secrets, because they’ve been crushing me slowly since the day I told my best friend ‘I do’ in that courthouse. I want to be free to love someone out loud.”
Saying those words feels like something is being lifted off my shoulders—like I can breathe properly again.
The only thing that can put it back is if she tells me she doesn’t want that at all. If she does, I’ll respect her decision. Even if it kills what little hope I have left inside me.
Winter’s voice is watery when she finally says, “I need you to understand something first.” There’s a firmness in her tone that makes me nervous about what she’s going to say. Until she speaks. “I’m never going to be the person who relies solely on somebody else. I can’t be. I have to stand on my own two feet. I have to work and earn the things I have. I don’t want to be handed anything just because of who I’m with or the things that have happened to me in my past.”
She eyes me, and I quickly nod. “Done.”
Her tongue drags across her bottom lip. “And I know I can’t be on equal ground as you—”
My brows pinch, and I can’t help but ask, “Who says you can’t?”
Winter deadpans, “I know what you make, Thomas. I’m never going to be where you are, and that’s fine. I’ve never dreamed about being the breadwinner. I’ve only ever wanted to pay my bills and have a little left over for hobbies or food or…I don’t know.Something.”
I lift a shoulder. “Fine. Easy.” Her skeptical expression doesn’t seem to agree, so I offer her a smile. “Winter, I know you can take care of yourself. I’m never going to get in the way of what you need to do. If you want to pay for dinner, then fine. If you want to pay for groceries. Have at it. I’m not trying to take away your independence, sweetheart. I’m simply trying to love you.”
It’s out there. The possibility. The endgame that’s so close, but could go away in an instant if she denies me.
Winter sucks in a shaky breath.
Stares at me.
And then says, “Okay.”
One word.
Not three. Notthosewords.
But it’s the start of something new.
“But if I’m paying for dinners, we’re not doing steakhouses. You’re going to have to downgrade from your usual,” she warns seriously.
