“He said it was because he was afraid I might retaliate.”
“That is a partial truth.”
“How doyouknow?” Rakel asked.
Farrin avoided her gaze. “I spoke with him on several occasions. I didn’t see much use for him, but I know freeing him has been your ambition.”
Rakel caught the edge of her flapping cloak and pulled it closer to her body. “Yes.”
“And you forgivehimas well?”
“I do…but forgiving him isn’t enough. I want a second chance—a new beginning. I want toknowhim, without holding our past against each other.” Farrin shifted, refocusing Rakel’s attention. “But I assume you did not come here to listen to me wax on about my younger brother. How can I help you, Farrin?”
The soft light in Farrin’s eyes was snuffed out. “I came to warn you. Now that Tenebris knows you can resist him, he will be more intent on killing you.”
“That is hardly a change in my expectations.”
“But it is. Previously he would have wanted to destroy you himself. That will no longer be so. Now he will pour any resource he can into ending your life. He will send assassins, spies, and will use every dark trick he can. You will no longer face danger on the battlefield, but in every moment of your life.”
Perfect. After I had just gotten the best of my paranoia. But no. I will not allow Tenebris to steal my happiness.Rakel knit her fingers together—simultaneously frightened and angered by the thought of Tenebris attacking her. “Thank you for the warning.”
Farrin nodded and raised his eyes to the sky. “Also, I will not be able to meet with you anymore.”
Rakel nodded; she had been expecting that.With Tenebris present, Farrin is probably being watched. Even if he has feelings for me, his first loyalty is to his leader.
“I wanted to tell you…. Next time on the battlefield, I will have to fight you seriously, Rakel.”
Rakel frowned as she internally repeated his words. She snuck a glance up at him, but the colonel didn’t seem any more deadly or intimidating than he had been a moment ago. His stance was relaxed, but his eyes were troubled.
“Could you clarify that?” she asked, fishing for information.If he meant we are once again enemies, he wouldn’t have come here tonight.
Farrin finally tore his eyes from the sky and faced her. “Tenebris will be watching me. I cannot afford to displease him, so I will have to fight you with everything I have.”
He can’t mean he will kill me. He still has…feelings for me. At least, I think he does.Rakel frowned thoughtfully. She reached out and placed her hand on his cheek.
Farrin set his gloved hand on top of hers, holding her hand there.“I won’t hurt you.” He was as quiet as the falling snow and leaned into her hand. “But you must fight back as if you fear for your life. Stay away from your troops to limit damage to bystanders.” He hesitated. “If I am injured, or worse, by you or your magic users, I will understand.”
The comment unexpectedly stung. “No.” She stepped back and withdrew her hand.
“Phile stands the best chance. I suspect her dagger is a magical artifact,” Farrin continued, his voice calm and nonchalant.
Rakel shook her head. “Why would you accept this?”
“Because killing you isn’t an option.” Farrin slowly reached for her hand and held it in his, then caressed the back of her hand with his fingers. “And I have always known one day I would pay for what I have done.”
“Whatever you have done cannot possibly require opening yourself up to death,” Rakel scolded.
Farrin stared down at their joined hands, then raised his gray eyes, impaling her with their intensity. “I have slain hundreds—perhaps thousands—of innocents. As a child, I was auctioned off in a Ringsted slave trade, and I was bought by a gladiator trainer from Sarthe. I made my first kill when I was twelve, and I slaughtered countless men and women every week. I became the champion gladiator of Sarthe and held that title for years.”
Rakel was so surprised she couldn’t find any words to say. She involuntarily tightened her grip on his hand.
“I only know blood and battles. I was trained and conditioned to kill. You believe Tenebris is bad? I am just as twisted and dark as he.” Though Farrin’s words sounded threatening, he spoke softly and briefly closed his eyes—as if he could blot out his words. “When he broke me out of the gladiator pits, I was little more than an animal used to hunt and kill. Istillam that animal.”
Farrin let go of her hand, which dropped hard.
What do I say—to learn he went through that kind of pain? And I have complained of being exiled?No words would come to her lips. She felt guilty for ever considering her childhood a trial.
Farrin exhaled a puff of laughter that she recognized as his controlled chuckle. “I see I have shocked you. I apologize, but I thought you should know. There is no need to mourn me, Your Highness—though I never gave you a reason to from the start.” His lips were slanted in a bitter sort of smile, and his eyes were filled with yearning. “I only…” his unspoken words trailed off. “Never mind.” He turned his back to her and adjusted one of his gloves. “I will see you at the next battle. Until then.”
