“Doc, you fine and all, but I prefer it hard and heavy. Give me all the bullshit first then the light and fluffy shit,” Ernie replied, crossing his arms. “How fucked up am I?”
Dr. Hammon pulled in a deep breath. “You have dementia with Lewy Bodies and you’re fortunately in the middle stage of it.”
“Fuck is Denita?” Ernie huffed. “I ain’t never had a hoe name Denita and I only knocked up one. Cherie not Denita.”
“Dementia with Lewy Bodies is a disease where protein builds up inside your brain cells. It eventually kills those cells, making it harder for you to walk, speak, sleep, and think. It changes the way your brain and body communicate,” Dr. Hammon shared. Ernie was strangely quiet. “You guys know with this diagnosis, he cannot drive, own weapons, vote, or be left alone.”
“We’ve already adjusted,” Erys assured.
“Alright, you got more bullshit or are we going to harp on how crazy I am? I told y’all I’ve been crazy since I was a boy. What’s next,” Ernie grumbled.
“You do have high blood pressure and diabetes. We’re going to start you off on a long acting insulin and one blood pressure tablet for now.”
“Ain’t no need to tell me that shit. Talk to her. I’m still gon’ have my coffee and my cake and a sweet treat from time to time. I’m seventy-seven, I’m not trying to live forever,” Ernie shared, looking at his son. “Now that we know all this shit, can we let me live out the rest of my days in peace? So what I see your momma from time to time? I’ll wear a diaper but all this other shit, I’m not doing. All you got is the time I’m here. After that, I’m going with your momma and I don’t need you in my way. Understand?”
Erys swallowed the lump in his throat realizing that he couldn’t prolong the inevitable. It was a gut punch when he realized that’s what he’d been trying to do despite knowing how this was going to end. Ernie didn’t allow him the time to answer before getting off the table and walking out. Remedy grabbed his cane and quickened out the room behind him. Erys was left with the doctor, face to face with reality. Another layer he’d discovered – delusion.
“I’m going to prescribe everything just in case he changes his mind. In these situations, his mind could change. There’s support groups and-”
“I got support. That’s not the issue. I wasted a lot of time. And what I got left is what I got left. That’s on me. Any predictions?”
“He doesn’t want any meds so we can slow this down. All I’m going to advise you is to get yourself some extra help and spend as much time with him as you can. If you need us, we are a call away,” Dr. Hammon spoke as they stood. Erys shook her hand and nodded in thanks.
After Erys settled the bill for the visit, he sauntered out to the car where Remedy and Ernie were having a standoff. Ernie was attempting to get behind the driver’s seat and Remedy had her back leaned against it.
“I don’t have the keys, Ernie. How about we walk, get something to eat, and sort through what you’re feeling?” Remedy attempted to compromise.
Ernie wasn’t having it. “I don’t want to sort through a muhfuckin’ thing. You said wasn’t no hole in my gotdamn head, turns out there is.”
“No,” Remedy gently corrected, holding his hands. “I said they weren’t going to put a hole in your head or cut it off. And look at you, still got your head. Still got some time. I thought we talked about you having time with your boy? I thought that’s why you needed me here?”
Ernie scowled at Remedy a long while before his features softened. “I don’t know how much time I got with our boy.”
“Doesn’t matter how much time you got. What matters is what you do with it? What are you going to do with it?”
Erys approached the duo. “Meet us down the street at that spot we found.”
Remedy took the keys and a kiss to the cheek. “Walk with your boy, Ernie. Take this with you.”
She wrapped Ernie’s hand around the handle of the cane and winked at him. “Go.”
Ernie flexed his jaw before he started his amble alongside Erys. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Waiting so long to tell you I love you.”
23
After a long day and a rollercoaster of emotions, Remedy roamed into the living room where Erys sat staring at his phone.
“The aide comes tomorrow for a trial run-through,” he muttered, scrolling through the detailed doctor’s notes. Remedy sat on the couch with him and handed him a glass of whiskey. “Thank you. He’s sleeping?”
She nodded. “Lots of tears and questions and a back rub before he finally went down. How are you feeling?”
Erys dropped his phone on the ottoman and sat back, taking the glass from Remedy. “I knew this was coming. But then all those good days he has, I started believing that maybe it was something else. Not this. There’s a part of me wanting to psych myself out which isn’t like me.”
“You’re finding out new things about yourself every step of this journey. There’s days I want to believe it’s a dream or I’m making up what I’m looking at. Literally grieving someone while they’re still here,” Remedy said, placing her hand on the back of his neck.
