I find myself fighting a smile. “Okay, Ellen. What’s your advice about my muse situation?”
She leans forward conspiratorially. “So like, my great-grandma? She’s basically a love expert. She’s been matching people up in this town since forever. And she says—” Ellen drops her voice to a dramatic whisper, “—that love is the ultimate muse. Like, all the best songs are about love. All the best books too. My mom’s book club only reads romance, and those authors are super prolific.”
“Prolific?”
“It means they write a lot. I learned it from Kira.” Ellen looks pleased with herself for approximately two seconds before shrugging it off. “Anyway. Have you tried falling in love?”
“It’s not reallythat simple.”
“Why not?”
“Because—” I stop. Because the woman I love left me twice without explaining why. Because seeing her again has turned my brain to static. Because I’m pretty sure I never actually fell out of love with her in the first place, which is its own kind of pathetic. “It’s complicated.”
“Grown-ups always say that.” Ellen slumps back against the booth. “Kira says ‘it’s complicated’ is just code for ‘I don’t want to deal with my feelings.’”
“Kira sounds very wise.”
“She’s sixteen. She thinks she knows everything.” Ellen picks at the edge of the table. “But sometimes she’s right. Don’t tell her I said that.”
“Your secret’s safe with me.”
“Cool.” She perks up slightly. “So anyway, my advice? Find someone who makes you feel stuff. Like, real stuff. Not fake stuff. And then write about it. That’s what Great-Grandma says. She says all the best love stories come from people who were brave enough to feel things.”
“That’s actually pretty solid advice.”
“I know, right?” Ellen grins, then immediately rearranges her face back into studied boredom. “I mean. Whatever. It’s not like I care.”
The bell above the door chimes again.
Every nerve in my bodyfires at once.
Delilah walks in, wearing a green sweater and jeans, her hair loose around her shoulders. She’s looking at her phone, not watching where she’s going, and she doesn’t see me.
“Dude.” Ellen’s voice cuts through my haze. “You’re totally staring.”
“I’m not staring.”
“You’re, like, mega staring. Your whole face changed.” She studies me with renewed interest. “Who is that?”
“No one.”
“That’s obviously not no one. You look like someone just punched you in the heart.”
“That’s not a thing.”
“It’s totally a thing. Kira says it all the time about the guys in her K-dramas.”
I watch as Delilah orders at the counter. Michelle says something that makes her laugh, and the sound hits me right in the chest.
“I’m gonna go talk to her,” Ellen announces, starting to slide out of the booth.
“No.” I grab my pen like it’s a lifeline. “Please don’t.”
“Why? She seems nice. Miss Delilah comes to book club sometimes. She’s theflower lady.”
“I know who she is.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
