Wallace interrupted: “We’re notmeantto be sinless, Joseph. In his Epistle to the Hebrews, Saint Paul talks about how ‘every priest…can have compassion on them that are ignorant and that err: because he himself is beset with weakness.’ And surely you are familiar with thefelix culpaparadox?”
The “happy fault,” the “blessed fall,” depending on how you translated the Latin. Reluctantly, Joseph nodded. Saint Augustine, Saint Ambrose, and Saint Francis de Sales all discussed it. Each Easter eve, in every Catholic church across the world, a Deacon or Priest sang the paradox aloud:
O truly necessary sin of Adam, which has been blotted out by the death of Christ!
Ofelix culpa, which has merited so great a Redeemer!
“Indulge me, please,” Wallace urged. “Pretend I am one of your students: Why did God place the Tree of Knowledge in Paradise? Didn’t He know Adam would eat the forbidden fruit?”
Joseph stared down at his stole. Like most of his vestments, it had a cross embroidered at its center. Against the violet of Penance, the golden cross was particularly striking. “Of course God knew. But if mankind had never fallen, Christ would never have died for us; and if Christ had never died for us, we would never have understood the depth of God’s grace and His love.”
“In the words of Saint Thomas Aquinas: ‘God allows evils to happen in order to bring a greater good therefrom.’”Wallace donned his chasuble. “Purity is not perfection, Joseph.”
After they had broken their fast, Wallace and his eldest son saddled Prince. When his things were packed and Joseph had mounted, Wallace patted the horse’s neck and smiled up at him. “I cannot tell youhoworwhen, in your situation or in mine; but I can tell you this, Joseph: ‘Sin is necessary, but all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.’”
Joseph thought he’d heard those words before, or part of them. He did not remember“Sin is necessary.”“Who are you quoting now?”
“God”—Wallace grinned—“by way of Mother Juliana ofNorwich. She was a fourteenth-century anchorite and mystic.” He held up his index finger. “Grant me one minute longer.” Wallace dashed up the porch steps and disappeared into the house. When he emerged again, he carried a slender, leather-bound volume. Wallace handed it up to Joseph, who opened the cover and read:Sixteen Revelations of Divine Love: Shewed to a Devout Servant of our Lord. “‘All shall be well’ is part of Juliana’s Thirteenth Revelation.”
Thirteen seemed appropriate.
“Keep it, please. Something to remember us by.”
As if Joseph could ever forget.
CHAPTER 50
I and my bosom must debate awhile…
— William Shakespeare,Henry V(1600)
Joseph returned to Charleston differently than he had come, so he could minister to other parishioners. The way these people greeted him, the way they honored him—as if he were an angel, or Christ in their midst… They thought Joseph holy and pure; they thought he desired only God. How could he ever bless them with hands that had groped a woman’s breast?
Saint Alphonsus had much to say on the matter:
The priest who, while he is defiled with sins against chastity, pronounces the words of consecration, spits in the face of Jesus Christ; and in receiving the sacred body and blood into his polluted mouth, he casts them into the foulest mire… Such priests are worse than Judas… How horrible to see a priest that should send forth in every direction the light and odor of purity, become sordid, fetid, and polluted with sins of the flesh…
And yet…these were abstractions. WasTessasordid, fetid, orpolluted? Washerperfect mouth a foul mire? How then could touching her defile him? Surely God understood that Joseph wished only to honor Him, only to venerate the beauty He had created?
Joseph closedDignity and Duties of the Priestand opened Juliana of Norwich’sRevelations. In many ways, she reminded him of Saint Teresa; yet Juliana was different from any theologian Joseph had ever read. The God who had spoken to her would never condemn an unbaptized child to Hell.
Juliana wrote:
I saw verily that Our Lord was never wrath, nor ever shall be: for He is God, He is good, He is truth, and He is peace… His love excuseth us, and of His great courtesy He doth away all our blame, and beholdeth us with compassion and pity… I shall do right naught but sin, and my sin shall not hinder His goodness working…
Before he entered Charleston,Joseph paused at St. Patrick’s Churchyard to visit Hélène. He stood inside the Lazare mausoleum and placed his palm on the cool limestone that held his sister’s name and her body, but not her spirit. “I’ll never forget you, Ellie,” he whispered. “I couldn’t even if I tried.” He prayed her sojourn in Purgatory would be brief. “If you’re already in Heaven, willyoupray forme, sister?” If he followed her advice, if he accepted her gifts—the lamp and the key—it would be almost like she was still with him.
He knew now that he would remain in Charleston as long as he could. Their next Bishop might very well make Joseph a mission Priest; but these two weeks on the road had proven he would be a poor one. He would yearn not only for Tessa, his mother, even his father’s company—Joseph would miss the ocean, his garden, and his library too.
Joseph would miss returning to his own bed every night, however humble that bed. The night before his sister’s surgery, he’d stopped sleeping on the floor and stopped using the discipline. He’ddecided Hélène deserved more than a pale shadow of her brother. He did not resume these mortifications now. His head was clearer without them.
Furthermore, despite Prince’s smooth action, Joseph had developed saddle sores on his journey. They were worse than any wound from the discipline. He refused to remove his trousers and drawers for his father, but Joseph described the sores. While trying not to chuckle, his father mixed him a balm that proved blissfully effective.
Joseph tried to find out more about Juliana of Norwich; but she had largely been lost to history. The Church had not canonized or beatified Juliana, but neither had it condemned her.
Joseph longed to wrap himself in the promise Christ had made her: that whatever choices Joseph made, whatever sins he committed, God would forgive him; God would forgive Tessa; and all would be well. Joseph wanted so much to believe those words were divine revelation. But in the Gospel of John, Christ commanded the adulteress: “Go, and sin no more.” How could the same God have said “Sin is necessary”? And yet…Christ forgave the adulteress when no one else would. He made the Pharisees see they wereallsinners.
Joseph had been neglectingboth the Biblical garden and his parents’ garden. He took up his tools again. Tessa was often visiting his mother. She must understand how isolated his mother was, especially since losing Hélène. On this side of the Atlantic, only a handful of people knew his mother’s language; but Tessa was one of them. This kindness made Joseph love her all the more.
