Every cell in my body screamed otherwise. The screaming reached a fever pitch, and in that instant, I was furious with Thad. I’d stolen his gate, but he’d thrown me in; his act was selfless, but it felt like quitting. On me, on us. And yet what he did was so perfectly Thad that my anger didn’t last, because I couldn’t be angry at Thad for being Thad. Sometimes I got mad at myself, wondering how I hadn’t seen his slick move coming.
Don’t you dare give up on me, I’d said.Never, he’d promised, his eyes burning with blue fire.
I’d misread him completely.
I rapped my head against the glass, then I let it go. I refused to play the what-if game. It wouldn’t change the past. But while the past was over, it still shaped the present.
I missed Thad so much it hurt.
Out of habit, I touched my bare neck. All Thad’s gifts were reduced to memories; the necklace, the lei, his kisses. Except one: me. His final gift was life.Mylife. To throw it away would diminish it, something I refused to do, because even though no one else would know,Iwould know. And I’d never forget.
My dad was right. I was strong; I would make it. I owed it to Thad, and I owed it to myself.
I’d just have to make it alone.
I thought about going for a run, but I was content to sit and watch the rain, knowing that for the first time in weeks, no one would ask me if I was okay.
The phone rang; I didn’t move. I wondered if it was Natalie. She’d seen the news and found my phone number. When I’d told her what happened, she cried with me, stunned at Thad’s choice. She was the only one who knew how I felt, and yet she didn’t. Because she had Kevin, while I only had memories—memories that everyone else thought I’d forgotten. I loved talking to Natalie, but I hated it, too.
The phone fell silent. The rain kept falling. I caught the flash of someone in a slicker, then the doorbell rang, jarring and intrusive.
Like everything else unpleasant in my life, I ignored it.
Leaning my forehead against the glass, I watched the rain.
CHAPTER
70
THAD
DAY 365, NOON
The ground rocked under my feet.
“Thad!” Rives’s voice was muffled by the quake. “On your left!”
I spun, and expecting the bear, I was shocked to see a gate rising twenty meters out.
RUN. Nil giggled.Nil says RUN.
I ran.
Everything wavered but me. The air roiled, the ground blurred. My feet flew over the shifting rock, but my eyes stayed locked on the gate. On my one last shot. Adrenaline pumped through my veins and death nipped at my heels; my quads burned and I made them burn more; I wanted them to burn like the gate I was dying to catch because the burn said I was still fighting.
RUN.
The noise was deafening, roaring like an avalanche as a massive quake shook the island. The gate glittered ten meters away, but the window to catch it was closing; I sensed it.
Noon was fading, like me.
RUN!
A giant crack split the black four meters out. Barely moving, the gate hovered just on the other side.
Come to me, I begged.
The gate crept closer, drifting toward the crevice. The seconds ticked in my brain, counting down.Three… two… one…
