Don’t quit on me, Charley, I’d thought. I’m barely hanging on. I want us to make it so badly I hardly sleep. And when I do, I feel the heat of a gate in my dreams, knowing only one of us can take it. I dream of you, of gates, of being with you somewhere other than this plastic paradise, and sometimes it’s all I have to get through the day.
Don’t quit on me.
Because if she quit on us now, I didn’t think I was strong enough for the both of us.
Charley?I’d prompted, keeping my face blank.
You’re right, she’d said, forcing a smile.It doesn’t matter if we wait.
Liar,I’d thought,watching her golden eyes flicker. But I didn’t say it. Something told me she was as scared as I was, that the fairy-tale ending we desperately wanted would crumble for sure if we brought our fears to light. Like Nil would feed off them, making them real.
So I’d said nothing. Neither had Charley.
But I still felt cold, even now.
“Hey, Thad!” Charley shouted, pulling me back to the present. “Did you see that? I tried that cutback thingy, and I didn’t fall off!”
Watching Charley celebrate, I almost broke. The pain in mychest was so great, the swell of want so potent that I could barely breathe. Forcing a breath, I focused on Charley’s latest victory, which had everything to do with Charley herself and absolutely nothing to do with Nil.
“You killed it, Charley. I knew you had it in you.” As she paddled up beside me, I thought,Please let me sleep tonight. Not forever, just for a night. I really need it, before I lose it for good.
For the first time, I pretended the foam was snow. I missed racing so much it hurt like a bruise, one only I could see. I’d taught Charley to surf; I ached to teach her to board. My kind of boarding, flying on ice. It was part of my happily-ever-after, and lately no matter how hard I stretched, it seemed just out of reach.
But wanting to see Charley on snow more than I’d ever wanted anything ever—because that vision meant we both won, it meant we had a future without limits—I closed my eyes as I made the drop.
When we left the ocean, I was spent but still sane. I counted that as a win.
On the sand, Heesham and Rives were setting up the volleyball net, with an audience of hecklers. A cocker spaniel ran around the beach, barking at the waves. I wondered when the Nil pup had arrived. Pets didn’t make it onto the Wall.
“I call Charley!” Heesham shouted when he saw us.
“Too late.” I smiled. “She’s taken.”
“I call Ahmad!” Jillian said. He gave her a high-five, and with his long arms, he looked like a contender.
New teams, new day, but the result was the same: Charley was unstoppable. Charley spiked home the final point, splitting the line between Ahmad and Jillian. Both dove and missed it. Then she turned to me. “No regrets.” She winked.
“No regrets,” I said, then kissed her forehead.
As Charley laughed with Jillian, I scanned the audience. Itlooked different. Familiar faces gone. Fresh faces I didn’t know. And other faces, older and sharper.
Suddenly I felt stale and out-of-date, like those oldies on the slopes. Still shredding, slow and steady, but their mojo has been stolen by someone younger. Someone with more time.
“You okay?” Charley asked, poking my arm. “You look a little far out there.”
“Yeah.” I smiled. “Just tired.”
She looked at me, hard, like she saw through my crap answer but decided not to call me out on it.Thank you, Charley, for just being you. I kissed her again.No regrets.
“Let’s eat,” Jillian called, waving everyone over.
“And reset the teams,” Rives added, shooting me a look before winking at Charley. “Hey, Charley. Will you take pity on me for one game? And while you’re thinking about it, I need another Second. With your maps and charts, you’re a good fit. You game?”
His request hit me hard.Talla, I thought. She was Rives’s missing Second. He hadn’t replaced her, and Charley would be perfect. Charley with her fierce attitude, her island ingenuity and her killer charts giving everyone hope. But for some reason, I wanted her to say no. To not give up any more of herself.
Of course she said yes.
“I’d be honored,” she said, looking solemn. Then she squeezed Rives’s arm. “I miss her, too. Last time we ran, Talla beat the tar out of me. I still owe her a Sprite.”
