“I don’t know. You tell me.”
“If I thought it would help you, Rory, I’d pay it but I’m assuming there are more where this came from.”
I nodded, my face flaming with shame.
“As soon as I pay, they’ll be back for more. You know that, right?”
I continued nodding. He was right. This was never going to stop. Never.
“The one thing I know for sure is I can’t have this on my phone. Or in my email. And I definitely don’t want more images coming my way. If someone sees I have this on my computer… I can’t risk it. I have to turn this over to the police. It’s nothing against you, but I have to protect myself and Grace and my family.”
I could feel my world shrinking by the second. I didn’t blame Jake for wanting to pass off this particularly scorching hot potato. Given his past, if he were to be found with images like this, it would end him. I couldn’t let Grace and the McKallisters pay for my sins.
“Not the police—the FBI. They already know about this. It’s in their interest to keep it secret. I’ll get you the number to my contact.”
His eyes widened in surprise. “You’re working with the FBI?”
“Not officially, no. But they’re building a case, and they want me to testify.”
“Will you?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet.”
Jake was quiet for a second, watching me. “Look, I like you, Rory. You know I do. None of this is your fault, and I’ll help you in whatever way I can, but if the media finds out about this and makes the connection to Grace, the story will blow up. She’s only seventeen. I don’t want her to be dragged through the dirt like I was at that age.”
“She won’t be,” I said, shoring up what little fortitude I had left. “Not if I disappear.”
“What does that mean?”
“If I agree to testify, they’ll have to protect me. Put me in hiding. Change my name. I’ll lose everything. It’s why I haven’t done it yet. I don’t want to lose her,” I said, struggling to get through. “But I don’t have much of a choice now, and at least then Grace would be free of me.”
Jake gripped the steering wheel, pissed. “So fucking unfair.”
Tell me about it, I thought, laying my head back on the headrest. I willed the despair away.
“Just between us”—Jake dropped his gaze, his voice lowering—“sometimes I wish I’d let Casey go.”
It hit me, the significance of what he was saying. He’d been faced with the same choice that I was now.
“Why? You and Casey seem like the perfect couple.”
“She wants a normal life. Kids.”
“And you don’t.”
“It’s not that I don’t want that. I don’t know if I can. There’s a lot of shit going on in my head that she has no idea about. I should’ve been honest with myself from the start and let Casey go when I had the chance, but I loved her too much. I was selfish. And now she’s stuck with a guy who’s too damaged to be what she deserves. I know you understand what I’m saying.”
I did. Jake’s message came through loud and clear. In many ways, we weren’t all that different. I loved Grace. She was my salvation. Just as Casey was Jake’s. But if I loved her that much, I owed her the chance at a fulfilling and safe life—without me in it.
“If I do this,” I said, my voice cracking, “you can never tell her.”
“If you do this, you’re braver than me.”
* * *
Standing on the sidewalk,I watched Jake drive away before solemnly walking back to the gate. The decision was made. I had to leave. But how? Grace would see right through me. Nothing I said would be convincing. And if I just disappeared, she’d never move on. Grace would make it her mission in life to find me. I knew she would.
“Rory?”
