I thought about that, trying to remember the good times, the ones that genuinely filled me with joy. Where were they?
“No,” I admitted, surprising myself with the reply.
“That proves you’re not a hanger-on, Quinn. You’re a McKallister—just like the rest of us.”
34
Jess: Jump Back In
“Wake up.”
I felt the fluttery kisses first, then his soft voice urging me awake. For a moment, I forgot it all. There was no shooting. No wounded boyfriend. No damning information about me circulating. It was just Quinn and me in my apartment, simple and free.
I opened my eyes. He was standing over me with a lopsided smile on his face. I looked him up and down. Had he…? Yes. My god. He’d showered and gotten dressed. Something about this scene wasn’t right, and it wasn’t just his newfound interest in grooming. Maybe I was dreaming. Because when we’d gone to bed last night, Quinn had been solidly stuck in his head.
I shot up in bed.
“What is it?” I asked. “Is everything okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“Easy, chick.”
Chick? Was he joking? I blinked, not understanding. “Am I dreaming?”
“That’s a valid question for sure. I am pretty dreamy, but no. You’re awake.”
I looked around the room, then whispered, “Blink twice if you were abducted by aliens.”
He blinked once.
“Who are you?” I asked.
All joking aside, he said, “I talked to Jake last night.”
“On the phone?”
“No. He came over.”
I had no recollection of that happening. “When?”
“About one thirty in the morning. I couldn’t sleep, so I called him. Turns out heneversleeps, so it worked out perfectly. Who knew? Anyway, I think I now understand what needs to be done.”
“You do?” I asked, hope blossoming. If Quinn could be all right, then so could I. I just needed him to walk through the fog first. “What needs to be done?”
“It’s a complicated series of steps. Jake’s going to get me a printout. But all you need to know is that you’re number one on my list.”
A smile swept over my face. “I am?”
He leaned down to kiss me. “You are, and I won’t mess us up, Jess. I can’t risk losing you.”
I slipped out of the sheets, stood up, and threw my arms around him. “You could never lose me.”
“You underestimate how resourcefully dumb the McKallister boys can be.”
“I factored in for that.”
He smiled. This all seemed too good to be true. For the past six weeks, Quinn had been spiraling into a dark place, and today he magically woke up a changed man? I wasn’t sure I was buying it. “Don’t get me wrong, I love this new and improved showered version of you, but how can you have one conversation with Jake and then suddenly everything is all better?”
“It’s not all better… but it’s been put into perspective. I don’t want to wake up seventeen years from now and realize I forgot to live for myself. I want to live like Brandon, drumming until I take my last breath. You and me, Jess, I want us to leave something beautiful behind when we go. I want Noah, and our future babies, to know we went out on a high.”
