“How long have you known about me?”
“Months.” Evan’s voice transformed into a high-pitched nasally number as he imitated Marni. “Oh, and by the way, Evan, just so you know Alex is actually Bodhi Beckett. So yeah, fuck you!”
I stood transfixed by his rage and resentment. He hated me and, honestly, I didn’t blame him. If I were measured up to a ghost my whole life, I’d probably feel just as bitter.
“And you want to know the twisted part of it all?” Evan angrily swiped at the tears slipping from his eyes. “I used to pray for Eddie to come steal me in the night, like he stole you. When I was little I’d be in here hiding from her ‘friends’ while she was out there smoking crack. And I’d pray so hard for Eddie to come save me. But he never came. And Marcus never came like he did for Jonah. And you know why? Because I don’t fucking matter!”
Evan brushed past me, barreling down the hall. I skidded to a stop in the living room in time to see the front door slam and Evan disappear into the night.
24
Breeze: Glamping
After spending the past hour and a half looking over my shoulder, preparing for the drug deal I was certain was about to go down, I breathed a sigh of relief as I ducked into the car ahead of Bodhi. The evening played out like a Mexican soap opera, only with worse actors. There was dysfunctional and then there were Bodhi’s kinfolk. And that was coming from a woman whose fiancée slept with her cousin.
It was possible that Bodhi had just forgotten to mention Marni’s tendency to nod off and itch like a dog battling fleas. Or maybe Bodhi had unconsciously rejected the warning signs because he needed this family connection enough to overlook the glaring inconsistences. I’d learned enough about Bodhi to know he craved simple human contact. I feared that Marni had figured this out and was using it against him.
Tipping my head back against the plush, leather seat, I closed my eyes. The full day of spontaneous weeping had tuckered me out, but watching Bodhi navigate his way through a familial landmine had tipped me over the edge. I was exhausted.
I was there by his side offering support where I could, but it wasn’t lost on me that I’d become the token female in his action flick. Of course, I knew that Bodhi respected me as an equal, but he wasn’t the problem – the world that revolved around him was. And as far as I could see, the writing was already on the wall. If I stayed with him, I’d forever be in his shadow, the woman who walked a few steps behind. And although that might be acceptable for some, my parents hadn’t raised me to be invisible. I was the flamingo in a sea of black and white.
Bodhi’s hand covered mine, and I felt long, strong fingers wrap around my own. When I turned my head to engage, I nearly melted at the vision smiling back at me. He was beautiful, and damaged, and talented, and thrilling.
“Hey,” he said, his thumb stroking over mine. “A nickel for your thoughts?”
A laugh rumbled low in my chest. “Oh, you’d be quite wealthy after an hour in my head.”
“I’m sure. So, what did you think of my ma? She’s a keeper, huh?”
“As long as you ‘keeper’ in the basement.”
Bodhi laughed, the tension of the day rolling off him like beads of sweat. “God, Breeze, what a crapfest. That was more cringe-worthy than the time Ryan Seacrest tried to high-five a blind guy.”
I scooted closer to him. “You know, one time I went to this girl’s house after school and she and her siblings ate butter slices for their afternoon snack. That was only slightly less awkward than tonight.”
Rubbing his eyes with his palms, Bodhi’s body shook with laughter. He laid his head back on the seat. “Ugh… sometimes I feel like we’re the only two sane people left.”
“We may be.”
“Well, then thank god I found you.” Bodhi squeezed my hand, holding it like it was the only lifeline he had left. Avoiding his gaze, I fought the tears threatening to give me away. I wouldn’t be his much longer. What happened earlier had sealed the deal. I couldn’t continue in this relationship knowing his lifestyle wasn’t for me. It was best to break this off now before our hearts got any more invested. Knowing what was in store for us, I rubbed my belly, feeling the sickness brewing inside. By tomorrow morning, we’d again be walking this world alone.
Bodhi was quiet for the longest while and I wondered if perhaps he sensed the coming storm. Had the screaming voices inside my head somehow burrowed their way into his own thoughts?
“Marni lied to me this morning. She’s not clean.”
My heart hurt for him, but sadly I knew he was right. “No, she’s not. And from what Marcus hinted, neither is Evan.”
“You know what he told me in the bedroom? He prayed for Eddie to come steal him in the night. I mean how fucked up is that, right?” Bodhi groaned, shifting his gaze to the window before muttering, “At least we know where the $5000 is going… into her bloodstream.”
“I’m so sorry, Bodhi. I know you were hoping for a miracle.”
“Not even that. I just wanted a mom. She didn’t have to be perfect, just functional. What I don’t get is why she’d bring me there in the first place. Why not just meet at a restaurant… or even a seedy back alley?”
“I’m just taking a guess but maybe she wanted you to see how she lived, so…”
“I’d give her more money. Dangle my brothers in there to ensure I’ll feel obligated to help out.”
“Hey.” Burrowing against his side, I rested my head on his shoulder. “It’s just a theory – not fact, so don’t take it that way.”
