“I could, Linda, but that would sort of defeat the purpose of hiding, now,wouldn’tit?”
They exchanged conspiratorial smiles. He no longer received the special treatment from my mother. That had disappeared along with the gushing and cooing. Jake was now just a part of the family, and he and my mother had developed a very comfortablecamaraderie.
“Mom,” I said, feeling the need to defend my fiancé, “what happens if you throw him out and then he gets attacked by the strippers Keith hired for the bachelor party? How are you going to feel then? Use yourbrain.”
“Fine,” she said, sighing loudly. “If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll provide him with a handful of dollar bills before kicking him tothecurb.”
A familiar rhythmic knock rapped on the door. It could be no other than mybrotherLuke.
“Oh, great, more company.” Mom groaned, then winked and lethimin.
Luke’s eyes immediately settled on Jake. “Seriously, dude? You’re suchawuss.”
“If you rat me out to Keith,” Jake replied. “You no longer get backstage access to my concerts, and there goes yourlovelife.”
“Okay, first, you underestimate me; and second, you give me way too much credit,” Luke said, totally contradicting himself. “Keith already figured you’d be hiding in here. Man up! You’re living on borrowed time, bro. And as far as my love life goes, I haven’t been able to close even one deal at your concerts, so that’s an empty threattome.”
Jake sat up, an expression of disbelief on his face. “If you can’t get laid at a rock concert, you’re beyond any help I cangiveyou.”
“I agree with Jake on this,” Mom said, her eyes twinkling in amusement. There was nothing she liked more than to wedge herself into discussions about her children’s love lives. “There’s really noexcuse.”
“Mom. Please,” Luke said, struggling to ignore her completely before continuing his conversation with Jake. “If you had more variety backstage, maybe I’d have achance.”
“Are you suggesting it’s my fault you can’tscore?”
“In a roundabout way, yeah, I am. You set me up to fail from the get go. It’s not like I’m going to have a chance with the type of ladies who get backstage at your concerts. They’re all rock solid tens. I need some females who are marginally flawed to have even the slightestchance.”
“Sooo… you want me to ask security to look for eights, is that what you’resaying?”
Luke considered the question, even going so far as to tap a finger to his chin. “I think that’s still too high a number. Let’s shoot for fives tosevens.”
“Okay, sure. Any other requests I can passalong?”
“Well, since you’re asking, I do like brunettes… or wait… even darker. Yeah, I like the silky black hair color. But, then again, I have a thing for blondes too. And red-haired women… ooh, yes indeed. You know what they say about redheads,right?”
“I’m not sureIdo.”
“They’re blondesfromhell.”
Jake reacted by wincing. “I wouldn’t lead withthatline.”
“Of course not. Anyway, I’ll tell you what, man, just surprise me. I’ll take whatever, as long as they’re,youknow…”
“…not too hot.” Jake finished hissentence.
“Exactly.” Luke gave him a thumbs up before settling his gaze on me, seemingly surprised I was in the roomatall.
“Well, hey there, SpaceyCasey.”
“Hello yourself, PukeyLukey.”
“Alrighty,” Mom said, clapping her hands to get our attention. “Now that everyone’s reacquainted… and knows what to look for in a soul mate for Luke… what do you say we wrap this thing up? And by that, I mean, this sanctuary city is closing down, so please leaveimmediately.”
“Wow, Mom. What’s your hurry? Your only daughter is getting married tomorrow. You should be thankful I want to spend my last moments of freedom with youandDad.”
“Wait, Dad’s here?” Luke asked, looking around. “I thought he’d already gone down to the bachelorparty.”
“He’s not going. Jake gave him a pass, so he’s spending his free time on thetoilet.”
