“Whoa, dude, that’s brutal. I need to watchAnimal Planetmoreoften.”
“Yeah, me too. Anyway, his point was that marriage is similarly terrifying. Apparently, once I get married, Casey will transform into a queen bee, absorb my genitals, and keep me at her mercyforever.”
“Yikes,” Kyle said with a dopey grin on his face. “Good luckwiththat.”
“Right? Anyway, the part I don’t get is what would the incentive be to knock up thequeen?”
“Are we talking about you or the honeybeerightnow?”
I smiled. “Thehoneybee.”
“I think we both know the incentive,” Ant-Man theorized. “At least he dies happy,right?”
“But does he, Kyle? Really? I mean, his nards detonate into a bloody mess and then he drops dead. I can’t imagine that being a satisfyingclimax.”
Kyle studied me as if he actually had something profound to say, but then he opened his mouth and ruined the moment. “I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Everyone knows when you get married, you don’t use your balls all that oftenanyway.”
I took in that smug expression on his face but consoled myself with the knowledge that he didn’t have all that much wiggle room either. The way his relationship with Kenzie was going, he didn’t seem too far off from walking down the aisle himself. Maybe when it was his nutsack on the front lines, he’d have more compassion for mysituation.
* * *
Inearly smackedQuinn with the door on the way into thebathroom.
“Oh, shit. What were you doing behind the door?” Icomplained.
“Um, exiting,” he said, appearing amused by hiscomeback.
“Well, don’t do that around me. It’screepy.”
“Sorry, next time I’ll send you a text when I’m finishedpissing.”
Quinn made a grand gesture of stepping back to allow me entrance. I took a quick pass at him with my eyes. He was also dressed up as Superman but, unlike Lassen, he filled out his costume like it was an actual fitted glove. I was still having trouble grasping the fact that my youngest brother was all grown up and standing a couple of inches taller than me. I’d always viewed Quinn as a little kid, but now, at eighteen years of age, he was anything but. Packing a solid twenty pounds of muscle and rockin’ the disheveled hairstyle, baby Quinn was putting the rest of us McKallister boys toshame.
“I hear Kyle’s looking to kickyourass.”
“Yeah. I told him my theory, and he freaked out and tried to hit me with thehammer.”
“What’s yourtheory?”
“Just that he picked his costume to complement his ant-sizedpackage.”
“Ah. Now I’m getting a clearerpicture.”
“Anyway, no way could he beat my ass. I can take him down in aninstant.”
“I don’t know, Quinn, Kyle’sscrappy.”
“And you thinkI’mnot?”
It was hard to ignore the challenge in his voice, but I forced myself not to take the bait. Quinn and I hadn’t been getting along all that well lately, and the last thing I wanted tonight was confrontation. He followed me back into the bathroom… okay, it looked like I was getting company. Thankfully, Quinn honored the bro code by averting his eyes so I could relieve myself. Too bad he didn’t think to keep the chitchat down to aminimum.
“Sooo,” he said, elongating the word, “I’m still waiting on the songwriting session you’ve been promising me for over a year now. Any idea when that mighthappen?”
Oh, crap. Not this again… and certainly not at this very moment. “I’m pissing,Quinn.”
“Sorry. Pleasecontinue.”
Now that he’d graduated high school and was no longer under the iron rule of our mother, Quinn was focused solely on his music career and rallying for a spot as an opening band fortheopening band on my next tour. We weren’t exactly seeing eye-to-eye on the issue. By using good old-fashioned nepotism, he and his band wanted to sidestep the process of actually earning a spot on a successful tour. There was something to be said for hard work, though, and if Quinn’s only route to fame was by piggybacking off mine, he wouldn’t have a lastingcareer.
