“Mom and Dad’s house,” Sydney choked out the words. “I don’t like living in itanymore.”
Then I understood. The memories were too much for her. The house symbolized all she’d lost. Dropping down to her level, I pulled her into my arms. Sydney shook miserably, and I could feel her heart breaking as she clungtome.
I sought out Casey for help, but she too was overcome by emotion, leaning against the kitchen counter forsupport.
“I get it Sydney, I do,” I said, speaking softly. “The house is filled with memories of your mom and dad. And everywhere you go inside reminds youofthem.”
She nodded into my shoulder, gripping me tighter, as she continued to cry. Although I’d never lost someone like she had, I knew what it felt like to go back to a home that was no longer mine. Everything looked the same, yet nothing felt familiar. I knew the lessons I’d learned from my own tragedy might be of comfort to her, but was there a way to reveal my past withoutscaringher?
Treading lightly, I said, “When I was a little older than you, something bad happened tometoo.”
“I know,” she said, pushing back from my shoulders and wiping away her tears. “You werekidnapped.”
Although we’d never discussed it with her, I wasn’t surprised that she’d heard of the kidnapping. Even though I thought of it as a secret, no one else apparently did. “Did your parents tellyouthat?”
“No. Kids at school. They know you’re my uncle. They’ve told mestuff.”
My stomach knotted at just the thought of what this little girl might have heard about me. “You know, not everything people say about meistrue.”
“They said you killed someone,” she answered, matter-of-factly.
Okay. Well, shit. Thatwastrue.
“I told them you’d never do that,” Sydney continued. “But then they showed me some websites that also said you killedsomeone.”
I purposely didn’t seek out Casey’s help this time, more out of shame than anything else. Sydney had been subjected to information she was entirely too young to know all because she was connected to me. I could only imagine the things Grace and Quinn had heard when my story was the only thing in the news in our town for a year. This was the moment I’d always feared, and one of the main reasons why I didn’t want a child of my own. There would come a time, as it had now with Sydney, that I’d have to admit to the thingsI’ddone.
Swallowing back my pride, I said, “It’s true. I did kill someone. But I didn’t want to. Do you know what self defensemeans?”
“No.”
“It means if someone is trying to kill you, you have the right to fight back and defend yourself. That’s what I did. Ifoughtback.”
“And you killed himinstead.”
“Yes. But if I hadn’t fought him, Syd, I wouldn’t be here withyounow.”
She nodded her understanding… or so I thought. “He would have killed you like that girl killed myparents.”
“Well,yeah.But…”
“I wish I had been in the car with my mom and dad. I would have self-defensed like you and killed that girl… and then my parents would still bealive.”
“No, Sydney, that not what I meant. It’s not the same thing. The girl who killed your parents, she made a terrible mistake. She wasn’ttryingto kill them, though. I don’t want you to spend your life angry at her and avoiding places that remind you of your parents, because if you do that, you’ll grow up into a bitter, unhappyperson.”
Tears trailed lines down her cheeks. “I don’twantthat.”
“No, and your parents wouldn’t want that either. They’d want you to forgive that girl and move on. Honor your parents by living the best lifepossible.”
Sydney and I stood there staring at one another. I couldn’t imagine what she was thinking. So much for the pep talk I’d hoped to havewithher.
Finally she answered, “Okay. I’llgohome.”
“And you’ll smile and have a goodsummer?”
“I said I’d go home. I didn’t say I’d be happyaboutit.”
I reacted to her sass with a quirked brow, and Syd actually laughed. I hugged her tightly to me, glancing at Casey for the first time since our conversation began. She was understandably emotional, but there was also mad respect in herlovinggaze.
