Grace, Quinn, and I left him standing in the doorway. I didn’t look back, for fear of spooking him. This was the most I’d gotten out of him in three months, and I didn’t want to spoil themoment.
“Kyle,” I said, banging on Keith’s door as I passed. “Cookies.Comehelp.”
Mom was sitting quietly at the table when we burst in, interrupting her calm with excited little voices eager for a sugary treat. Kyle followed a few steps behind and helped me pull out all the ingredients. The four of us chatted comfortably as I guided them through the cookie-making process. Jake had chosen not to join us, but I swear I saw a shadow behind the wall between the kitchen and thelivingroom.
I glanced at my mother and was surprised to see her smiling at me. Suddenly self-conscious, I tucked my hair behind my ear andlookedaway.
“You’re so good withthem,Emma.”
I shrugged. My relationship with my mom remained strained, and it felt weird to hear praise from her. To hide my reaction, I kept my focus on thecookies.
“I know things have been hard,” Mom said, choking back tears. “But I hope you know how proud I am of you. What an incredible young woman you’vebecome.”
I looked up at her in surprise. Her face was a tapestry of love and pain and regret. I blamed her for so much, but in reality, I couldn’t say I would have reacted any differently had I been in hershoes.
“You’re going to make a wonderful mothersomeday.”
Iscoffed.
“What?” she asked, confused by my starkreaction.
“I’m neverhavingkids.”
Mom’s eyeswidened. “Why?”
“You really have toaskwhy?”
She appeared truly shocked by my words. I steadfastly held my ground. Mom’s bottom lip quivered as she struggled to find the right words. “Emma, what happenedtous…”
“Save the lecture, Mom. No way will I bring children into this world if I can’tprotectthem.”
Mom’s reaction was swift and unpredicted. She burst into tears and ran from the kitchen. Shocked by her outburst, I immediately regretted my words even though I believed them tobetrue.
Kyle glared at me. “What’d you saythatfor?”
I shrugged, feeling like a shithead. I’d basically blamed her for Jake’s kidnapping. Yeah, she hadn’t been the most attentive mother as of late, but before disaster stuck, she’d been a pretty incredible one. Her biggest fault was maybe loving ustoomuch.
“Can we put the cookies in now?” Gracie asked, having completely missed the exchange between Momandme.
“Um… can you just give me a minute?” I asked. The need to apologize overwhelmed me, but before I could go in search of my mother, the unexpected happened. Jake walked in… actually making it all the way into the kitchen. He stopped in front of Kyle and me, and we both watched him insurprise.
“Hey. You finally came to help,” I said, trying to keep my voicesteady.
“No,” heanswered.
“Just to watchthen?Okay.”
“No,” he repeated, eyes focused on themixingbowl.
Suddenly it dawned on me. He wanted cookie dough. I laughed. “Let me guess – you want aspoonful?”
Jake nodded, and then did the unthinkable: he smiled. It was the briefest moment of levity, one which easily could have been missed had one not been paying attention. Thankfully, I had been.My god.Somewhere, buried deep within, my brother stilllived.
20
Finn:MovingOn
“Wake up.”The demand was followed by a punch inmyback.
