Gradually I withdrew from my superficial friend group, preferring instead to spend my lunch in the library studying. No longer feeling like the girl who’d once roamed these halls, I turned inward, focusing on my grades and not those who snickered about Jake behindmyback.
It wasn’t until my return to school that I realized just how much misfortune had changed me. Life was a gift, one not to be taken for granted, and I refused to waste precious time on people who didn’t matter. My family…theymattered. And as imperfect and fractured as we were, our love was genuine and all-encompassing.
“Who’s there?” I answered my adorable littlebrother.
“Madam.”
“Madamwho?”
“Madam foot’s stuck in the door.” Quinn dissolved into a fit of giggles. Of course, I’d heard this one a thousand times before, but still I laughed. It really was all in thedelivery.
“Ooh… you saiddamn,” I teased, scooping him up and blowing raspberries onto his neck. “I’mtellingMom.”
“Nooo,” he squealedhappily.
“Knock, knock. Emma! Knock, knock.” Grace tugged at my leg. She was not about to be left out ofthisgame.
“Who’s there?” I answered,breathlessly.
“Me.”
“Mewho?”
“Me!”
Not quite, but almost. So went the humor of a five-year-old. Quinn and I laughed hysterically at her missed opportunity, but Grace didn’t catch on, instead basking in the limelight and no doubt considering herself a comedicmaster.
We were chattering excitedly when suddenly Quinn’s mouth dropped open in surprise. Jake was standing in the doorway; which was indeed an unusual sight. Although I’d tried after that one tap session to reconnect, I’d never managed to coax another ‘conversation’ outofhim.
“Hey,” I said. It felt strange to talk to him. He lived in the house, even occasionally roamed its halls, but he wasn’t really here. Jake just sort of existed. “Have you got a knock-knock joke for us? I mean, I don’t think you can beat Grace’s brilliance, but you couldalwaystry.”
Jake leveled me with an unreadable stare. It was possibly the first time he’d looked at me since his return home. Once so vibrant and sparkling, those beautiful eyes were now dull and lifeless. He was so lost. If only I had a magic pill that would zap away his pain! I swallowed back the emotion that was sure to ruin the moment. He’d been drawn by the laughter, and that was what I intended togivehim.
“Come in,” I said, smiling. I felt Grace tense as she grasped my leg. She still didn’t trust himonebit.
Taking his lead from me, Quinn said, “Yeah, comeandplay.”
Jake seemed conflicted, as if he wanted to join in but some invisible force was holding him back. He stayed put in the doorway. In an attempt to welcome him, I took a step forward. He took a step back. I froze like a squirrel caught in oncoming traffic, trying to decide if it was safer going forward or back. Instinctively, I chose togoback.
Pretending the awkward moment hadn’t happened, I turned and grabbed Quinn, tickling him. The three of us continued our play as Jake watched from the sideline. He’d set his boundaries, and I hadn’t pushed them; and that, I was certain, was what kept him in thedoorway.
Once Grace and Quinn had worn me out, I collapsed onto the couch and closed my eyes, ready foranap.
“No, don’t sleep,” Grace said, prying my eyelid open. “Cookies, Emma. Youpromised.”
Cookies? I wasn’t a machine. Good lord, these kids took a lot of energy. “Tomorrowmaybe.”
Quinn got in on the action, jumping behind me on the couch and trying to push my body off. Neither one of them would let me out of mypromise.
“Fine. But Ineedhelp.”
My little siblings cheered. I wondered if I had ever been this easy to please. I looked up and was surprised to see Jake leaning against the wall now… inside the room. He’d actually made his way in with us, which was a huge accomplishment. I smiled as we walked towardthedoor.
“You wanna make some cookieswithus?”
His lifted his head, and our eyes met again. A flash of familiarity took my breath away. In that moment I could see my Jake in this shell of a boy, and I had an overwhelming feeling that there was something he wantedtosay.
“You want to go somewhere and talk?” I asked, reaching my hand out to him. Jake promptly shoved his own into his pockets and looked away.Okay. Maybe not.“Well, we’ll be in the kitchen if you wanttocome.”
