“Could you be pregnant?” Sheasked.
“What?” The question was so stupid I didn’t want to give it a bit of leverage. “No. Why would yousaythat?”
“My sister had really bad sciatica pain during all three of her pregnancies. It happens when the hips widen. Add that to your fatigue and all that emotional weirdness…” she said, flicking her hand over me in distaste. “I don’t know, Emma, maybe you should take apregnancytest.”
“No, it’s impossible,” I said shaking my head. I was sonotpregnant. We’d used protection everysingletime.
“The only way it’s impossible would be if you were a good little virgin,” Frannie explained, and then in a childlike voice, she added, “Have you been a good littlevirgin,Emma?”
I sank back in my chair, my mouth still hanging open as I shook my head back andforth.
“Exactly. I didn’tthinkso.”
Frannieand I hurried to the supply closet and I snuck a pregnancy strip and a plastic cup off the shelf before disappearing into the bathroom. Francesca pushed her way in before the door shut alltheway.
“No, Frannie, it’s okay, you don’tneedto.”
The last thing I wanted was her blabbing my business to the entirehospital.
“I’m not leaving you here by yourself.” And as if she could read my mind, added, “I would never do that to you, and youknowit.”
Suddenly I felt bad for thinking the worst of her. She’d always been nothing but a friendtome.
“I know,” I said, then grasped her wristinfear.
We exchanged a knowing glance before she handed me the cup and said, “Nowpee.”
The five-minute wait was agonizing.Frannie leaned against the basin studying her shoes as I sat on the closed toilet seat, gripping my newly colored hair. Jesus, wasn’t that bad for a baby? And the glass of wine I had last night… and the night before. That was definitely bad for a baby. But I was almost sure it would come up negative. I had no signs. No weight gain. No morning sickness… although Finn’s little puke parade the last time I’d seen him had turned me all shades of green. And besides that, after the festival weekend with him, I’d immediately gone on birth control pills. Oh, god, if a baby managed to get through all that protection, its little head would surely be whacked after all the crap I’d beenfeedingit.
The timer went off on Francesca’sphone.
“Youready?”
There was no excitement or encouragement in her words. Instead she adopted a professional tone, free of judgment. I closed my eyes as Frannie checked the results. It would be negative. There was no way. No way at all. But when she didn’t say anything after several seconds, I knew. The sob that I’d been holding back broke free. Francesca knelt beside me rubbing my back, repeating “Breathe” overandover.
“I don’t, I don’t… what am I going to do? I can’t be a mother. Ican’t.”
“And you don’t have to be, Emma. You haveoptions.”
Yes. Options. I had options. But the moment Finn’s face formed in my mind, I knew I didn’t have options. I could never, would never do thattohim.
“No. Finn… it’s his child too.Never.”
“Then havethebaby.”
“I don’t want to be a mother,” I said, snarling out the words. “Have you not been listening for the past fouryears?”
Thankfully, Frannie took nooffense.
“Let me finish,” she said, calmly. “Have the baby. Give it to Finn. Problemsolved.”
I blinked back my shock and wiped away thetears.
“Yes. Okay. That would work. I coulddothat.”
“See? Everything will be fine. You’re in shock right now. Just give yourself a chance to process. Do you want to see thestick?”
Frannie held up the test with a very clear pregnancy confirmation. And that seemed to do the trick. The shock subsided as reality kicked in. This was happening, whether I wanted it or not. Every fear I’d ever had… every relationship I’d fought so hard to avoid and every excuse I’d given for not wanting to be a mother was all for naught because that baby I vehemently professed I didn’t want, the one I’d given up an amazing guy to avoid having, was now growing inside mybelly.
