—Kyle
30
Kenzie: Making the Case
After the deed was done, I refused to allow myself to feel. I knew what I’d done had ruined any chance I could’ve had with him; but in reality, he was never mine to begin with. I’d stayed true to myself and did what was best for me. Or had I? What if what was best for me had just angrily stomped out of my life?No. No. No. Enough with the self-doubt.Once this was all over and I had my prize money, I could buy myself a new life and maybe, just maybe, I’d find a guy I liked as much as Kyle. Or maybe not.
Carl, Lena, and I returned to camp. They were jubilant and I tried my best to muster the same enthusiasm, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom. Tomorrow I would face him again. What would I say? Could I really look into his eyes and make him understand?
“You all right, Kenzie?” Carl asked.
“No.”
“You did the right thing.”
“For who? Me? You? Because it definitely wasn’t for Kyle.”
“He doesn’t need the money.”
“How do we know what he needs?”
Carl sighed and wrapped his giant arms around me. I was dwarfed against his body, but I didn’t pull away. I felt like a defector. Suddenly I wanted to go home. I was done with this damn game. Tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.
Marooned Rule #8
The final three contestants will face the eliminated players and explain why they should win the game. The jury will then vote for the player they feel is most deserving of the grand prize. The winner will be announced at a live studio taping in Los Angeles several months after filming wraps.
The next day was spent memorizing my speech. I had two minutes to make my case to seven people whom I had a hand in kicking out of the game. Somehow I had to convince them I was deserving of the money. Of course I knew I had to exploit my childhood trauma in order to stand out. I had to talk about losing my mom and raising my siblings. It wasn’t something I wanted to do, but then I’d been doing a lot of things I didn’t want to do lately. I feared when I returned home, I was going to have to take an acid bath to rid myself of all the nastiness I’d been part of.
I sat nervously as the exited players returned to take their seats in the jury box. One by one they filed in. I tried to make eye contact with every single one, but most were not exactly emotive. In fact, they looked as though they were headed to a funeral. I hoped to god it wouldn’t be mine. Kyle was the last of the bunch to take his seat. I almost didn’t recognize him. His brown, sun-streaked hair had been cut shorter and was slicked back. He was clean and shaved and, although thin from his time on the island, surprisingly healthy-looking. Wearing tan jeans and a tight white V-neck t-shirt, I couldn’t help but gape at him. Kyle was so handsome. For the first time I saw in him a strong resemblance to his famous brother.You let that go, Kenzie? Idiot. No wonder you’re single.
I stared at Kyle, willing him to look back, but even with my eyes burning holes through him, he steadfastly refused to engage me. And really, why would he? I could only imagine some of those nasty words he’d been exchanging with Lena the past few days were now being directed at me.
Lena was up first. She told a story of the struggles of being a single mom raising two boys. And while that was admirable and important, it seemed to do little to sway the angry-looking jury. She reminded them that she was the last of the East tribe, and for that reason she deserved their respect. A few of her former tribe mates actually scoffed, and I was feeling pretty certain she was not getting any of their votes.
I was next. And I told my story. I tried to explain why I’d made the choices I did in the game and played up some of the big moves I’d made to get me to this point. Kyle stared down at his hands the entire time. If he would just look at me… scream at me… anything but this agonizing silence. I looked around at the other members of the jury – their interest in me seemed lukewarm, at least more than Lena had got from them. And then I came to Dale, wonderful Dale. He was smiling at me, and I wanted to burst into tears at his unconditional support.
Carl’s moment to shine arrived, and he didn’t disappoint. The man who hadn’t said more than a few words to most of the jury members now had their full and undivided attention. The gruff, ginger-haired giant spoke of his childhood filled with bullying, his coming out, his father’s disownment. He talked about his divorce and his daughter and the struggle he had every day to come up with the money to fly to see her. Every word that came out of his mouth made my chances of winning decrease, and by the time he was done, not only did I have tears in my eyes but I was rooting for him myself.
I knew, at that moment, that I’d lost. It was as if karma had come back to give me a swift kick in the ass. Not only was I not coming home with the money, I wasn’t coming home with the guy either. And I was surprised to discover that I was way more devastated about losing Kyle than the million dollars. I realized then that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.
TV Confessional
“Do I take credit for Carl’s newfound social skills? Unfortunately, yes.”
—Kenzie
31
Kyle: The Decision
Even with a day to stew, I was still pissed when I walked into final vote. I didn’t want to see her, but then at the same time I did. Despite everything, I missed her. I’d lain in bed for hours the night before, unable to sleep because she wasn’t beside me, and I was mad at myself for wanting her to be there. Taking my spot among the losers, I purposefully kept my eyes averted, knowing they would betray me if contact was made.
First Lena poured out her soiled, blackened heart for all to hear. I wanted nothing more than to call her bluff, but I stayed rigid in my seat. The producers wouldn’t take it kindly if she and I had another screaming match. So I let her finish her story, not buying a second of her bullshit. If there was one thing I knew for sure, it was that Lena was not getting my vote.
When Kenzie spoke of her mom and raising her siblings, I could hear the hesitation and tremble in her voice, and I remembered that morning on the beach when she’d shared her story with me. She’d already had so much responsibility in her young life, raising her siblings and working to keep food on the table. What had I accomplished, other than being a pain in the ass to my rock star brother? No matter how I felt about what she’d done to me, I couldn’t shake the feeling that she deserved to win.
But then Carl opened his soul for the jury, and shocked us all by the depth of his character. All this time, he’d sat there stewing, and he had this story to tell. When it was over, all the women, as well as Dale, were crying. I felt for Carl, I really did; but I’d heard sad stories before, ones that were ten times worse than what he had to offer. Hopefully I could be forgiven for not crying him a river of tears.
