“Hi, Mom! Is Theo here?”
“Not today.”
Nina was very aware that Amanda was still listening in. She didn’t care if people were gossiping about her, but she still didn’t want to give anything away. So, she just took Jack’s hand and got him settled in the car before turning to him.
“Remember, we don’t live with Theo anymore,” she said gently. “It’s just you and me.”
“It’s not fair!” Jack kicked the back of the seat, “I miss Theo.”
“I know, and I’m sure he misses you, too.” Nina wasn’t sure Theo even thought about either of them, but it was a white lie for her son’s sake. “But you’ll always have me, okay?”
“Okay,” Jack sighed. “Do you miss him, too?”
“Sometimes,” Nina said. This was a lie, too. Every night, she lay awake on her sofa bed in the living room, staring up at the shadows dancing across the ceiling, missing Theo. She missed his laugh, the way he’d held her like she was precious, and the way he’d made her feel safe every day — until he didn’t. They’donly known each other for a little while, but he’d felt like the missing part of her family. And when he’d kissed her, the whole world had stopped spinning, just for a moment. She missed him all the time.
She was angry with him, too. Furious. Nina wasn’t sure which feeling, heartache or anger, was stronger.
“Mom,” Jack shifted in his seat, “did I do something wrong?”
“Oh, buddy,” Nina twisted back to take his hand, “no, you didn’t do anything wrong. Theo’s just really busy.”
The car behind honked for them to move forward. Nina squeezed Jack’s hand, then let go.
“Let’s go home and do something fun, okay?”
“Okay, sure,” he agreed. But Jack still seemed sad. “He’s still coming to the concert though, right?”
“Oh, buddy, I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
Jack turned and leaned his head against the window. “He’ll come. He promised.”
A wave of anger towards Theo rolled over Nina as they drove away. How dare he become close with her son, then walk out of their lives? In that moment, the anger far outweighed the heartache, and Nina would have been happy never to see Theo again.
But she was even more angry with herself for letting it happen. She and Jack had both gotten close with Theo. But Nina should have known better and at least protected her son. The small blessing of Jack’s father leaving before his birth, was that Jack had no memory of it, so he could never blame himself. Now,Theo’s leavingwouldremain a memory for Jack, and Nina worried about what that would do to her son.
But she couldn’t show any of her anger, not to Jack. He couldn’t ever think he’d done anything wrong. And he couldn’t ever think that Theo had disappeared from their lives because he didn’t want to be around Jack.
At home, Nina prepared a snack for Jack, who was drawing at the table. Their apartment was tiny compared to Theo’s mansion, yet it felt strangely empty with only the two of them in it. Nina set the plate of apple slices and peanut butter in front of him, wishing her nausea away. For some reason, the smell of the peanut butter made her stomach turn over.
“Thanks, Mom.” Jack held up the picture he’d been drawing, “It’s you, me, and Theo. Can I give it to Theo at the choir performance next week?”
“Next week?” Nina blinked. How had the weeks gone by so quickly? It felt like just yesterday that she’d left Theo’s house, and now it was already time for the concert. That wasn’t the important thing, though. She sat down across from her son. “Theo probably won’t be able to come,” she explained again. “He’ll probably have to work.”
“He’ll be there,” Jack said firmly. “He told me he would.”
Nina ruffled his hair. “I’m sure he wants to, but people can’t always do what they want. Work on your drawings and eat your apple, okay?”
“Okay.”
With Jack busy at the table, Nina slipped into the bathroom. The concert had really sneaked up on her, and with it came aconcerning realization. She was late. Her last period had been more than five weeks ago. With all the stress of moving out and rebuilding her life with Jack, Nina hadn’t thought about the days passing. Yet now, here she was, late and nauseated.
She’d only ever been late once before.
Nina took a deep breath and met her own gaze in the mirror. As much as worry threatened to overwhelm her, she couldn’t show anything to Jack. She’d promised him a fun evening, and they would have one.
The rest of the day passed in a blur. Nina and Jack went to the park, made a special dinner, and curled up together to watch one of Jack’s favorite movies. Once Jack was sleeping in his room, Nina slipped out and practically ran the two blocks to the nearby convenience store, where she bought a pregnancy test.
Back at home, she took it and waited. Her heart raced in her chest, and her breath came shallowly. No matter how many times she told herself not to jump to conclusions, she already knew the answer. She’d been here before.
