“Are you gonna be okay or do you want to wait a few weeks, and I’ll take you?” Lilly chews on her lip, gazing down at Ebony.
“Mummy, you said today.” Our little girl pouts her lip and folds her arms over her chest.
“Okay.” Lilly’s brows pull inwards as she looks at me. “Did you pack a drink and a snack? Poppy said they have a break halfway through the lesson.”
I place my hands on her cheeks, cupping her face. She’s about as neurotic as I am today. “I got everything. Don’t worry.” My lips press against hers, reassuring her I got this, and she doesn’t need to be there. “You get some rest, okay?”
“Are we still going to the care home this afternoon?” The lines on her brow deepen.
“Only if you’re up to it.” I kiss her forehead, wanting to kiss away all her anxieties. Her mum’s dementia is worse now than ever. She no longer recognises me or Fern. In a way, it’s easier for Lilly. Having to listen to her mum talk about me and her sister must have been agonising.
But today is her mum’s birthday, and we want her to meet her new grandson, even if she’ll not understand he’s her flesh and blood. Lilly wants photographs so she can show the kids with their grandma when they’re older. She often calls Ebony Lilly. Even though she has no recollection of who Lilly is, it’s clear she’s in there somewhere, imprinted on her mind. And it brings my wife a small amount of comfort.
Lilly nods. “I’d like to go.”
“Uncle Ash say he bring cake to nana’s,” Eb says, already licking her lips at the thought of cake.
“I wonder if nana will get any of her birthday cake with you, Harry, and Joel at her party,” Lilly says with a giggle.
Lifting Ebony in my arms so she doesn’t mucky her brand new ballet pumps, I hold her while Lilly kisses her cheek.
“Be good for Poppy. I can’t wait for you to tell me all about it. Love you,” Lilly says, forcing her worries away and giving Eb a bright smile.
“Love you, Mummy.” Eb gives Samuel a kiss on his head, and then I carry her to the Shogun and strap her into the car seat in the rear.
Driving off our land and down the hill, the lake below shimmers in the winter sun. I glance through the rear-view mirror, checking Ebony’s all right. “You’re gonna do great today.”
She stares out of the window, fiddling with her hair clip. “I have no friends?”
Her words reach into my chest and squeeze my heart. “You’ll make friends.” I turn onto the main road and slow down as I come to a set of lights. When I stop the car, I turn back to face her. “Everyone’s gonna love you, baby. I promise. Have you ever met anyone who doesn’t like you?”
She thinks about that for a minute, tapping her small chubby finger against her lip. “Harry calls me nannoying.”
“Have I gotta kick his ass?” The light turns green, and I continue to drive towards the dance studio.
She giggles. “Aunty Fern made him alopogise, but said I shouldn’t break his lego.”
“Ah. What did you do to his lego?”
“I broke his police castle and made a pwincess one.”
“I’d be a little upset too, don’t you think?”
Eb fidgets in her seat, trying to reach down the side of the door. “Daddy, I’ve lost my hair clip.”
“Leave it, Eb, we’ll find it when we get to the studio.” I turn the car onto the dirt road that leads to Dom’s property. The clearing where I brought Lilly in the patrol car is now a wooden dance studio that Dom had built for Poppy, but she turned it into a dance school, wanting to help kids with their self esteem.
Ignoring me, Ebony reaches back down between the side of her seat and the door. “I’ve lost it, Daddy.”
“Sweetheart, I’ll find it when we stop.” I pull up outside the studio amongst the other cars with mainly mums and their little girls.
Ebony practically jumps in her seat, tugging on the seatbelt.
I round the Shogun and open her door. “Where did it go?” She points under the front seat. I unclip her belt, and she climbs down, reaching under there.
“What’s this?” She pulls out a black balaclava and a half full packet of cigarettes. I haven’t used either for a long time.
I take the cigarettes from her, crunching them up in my hand. “These are a dirty habit.” I throw the scrunched up packet into the side of my door and reach over for the mask.
