“Shit.” I swerve as a deer runs along the road, then darts back into the forest to my right. “You okay?”
She nods. “Keep your eyes on the road.”
I chuckle. “Sorry. It’s just, you're so fucking beautiful.”
She shifts in her seat; her knuckles white, gripping around her book. As we reach the top, an old ruined abbey comes into view. I park the car next to a stone wall with a majestic scene of the lake below. The Bennett boathouse and their wooden cafe, the only thing tainting the land. Those jerks were the bane of my existence growing up around here.
Turning to face her, she flinches. I cover my hand over her white fingers curled around the hardback in her hands. “Don’t be nervous. You know me.” Even though she hasn’t seen me for a while since I’ve been living at the army barracks. “I’d never hurt you. Don’t be afraid.”
She gazes at me, her kissable lips part, and I’m desperate to run my tongue between the seam of her mouth. But I hold back, playing the long game with her, until she’s comfortable with me. “You want to go for a walk?”
“All right.” She unbuckles her belt, and we slip out of the truck. “The view up here is beautiful.”
Gaze locked on her, I couldn’t agree more. Her eyes widen as she takes in the scene that has me mesmerised, as if I’m seeing it all again for the first time through her eyes. “Come on, there’s a lookout point up ahead.”
We walk along the peak talking about how she wants to be a writer, and how she’s applied for college but opted to do her A-levels at school instead so she can take care of her nan. I tell her about life at the barracks and the rigorous training we endure. After a long walk, we circle back to the truck.
“Fancy one of Mum’s brownies?” I quirk a grin.
“I’ve never had one before. I shouldn’t really. I have to take care of nan when I get home.”
Leaning against the truck, I dip my head to get a glimpse of her sparkling eyes through her lenses. “Are you always a good girl?”
“Yes, I guess I am.” She pushes her glasses up again and I realise it’s because she’s always looking down.
I lift her chin. She leans back against the truck, panting heavily as I crowd her, resting my palm at the side of her head. “Take these off.” I remove her glasses, placing them on the top of the truck.
“I can’t see without them,” she whispers with a tremble in her breath.
My hands cup her face. “You don’t need to see, just feel.” I bring my mouth to hers, gently exploring with my tongue. She opens up for me with another breathy whisper and I probe further, deepening our kiss, tasting and savouring her sweet moans vibrating against my lips. I’ve no doubt I’ve just given her a first kiss, and I want to be the one to give her all her firsts and lasts.
“Kane.”
Another sweet voice snaps me back to the present. Vi stands in the workshop's doorway, the morning sun casting a yellow aura around her voluptuous frame. It’s like history repeating itself, but I won’t go through that grief again. The cycle stops here, and it’s down to me to break it. The only problem is to do that, I have to stay the fuck away from her.
“I made you pancakes.” She saunters over, plate in hand, the smell sickly sweet and the colour violet. “Blueberry pancakes, your favourite.” She sets them down on a workbench.
“Thanks.” They are my favourite, but only because they remind me of Vi. I’d never had them until she made them for me. I stand back, admiring the desk all waxed and ready to go into her room. “How d’you like your new desk?”
“Have you been working on this all morning?”
I shrug. “Couldn’t sleep.” I rarely sleep, but since her arrival, sleep has evaded me more and more.
“I love it. Thank you.” She lifts onto her tiptoes and plants a delicate kiss on my cheek.
I hold my breath. She gazes into my eyes, waiting for me to speak or kiss her back. “Vi, look—”
She steps back. “Don’t.” Her eyes glaze over. “Is this why you’re out here finishing this for me as an apology gesture? I guess after last night, a full English breakfast wouldn’t cut it. You had to go bigger. Lord help you if you actually did fuck me. What will your apology be then?”
“I’m sorry, Vi. I can’t give you what you want.”
“How do you know what I want? You haven’t even asked me.”
I step closer, reaching out to hold her face in my palm, but she flinches her head away.
“I know your heart. You want a family, someone to love you. I can be both of those things, just not in the way you want.”
“You mean you won’t fuck me? You’ve no problem wanking over my tits, but you draw the line when it comes to making love to me. I get it.” She holds her hands up between us, hurt crinkling every corner of her face.
