I hope this letter finds you well. Things haven’t been so great here. Nan is deteriorating every day. Your mum’s visits are more frequent. She’s a big comfort to me, and her cakes. I don’t think it will be long now until the cancer takes Nanna. She no longer has the use of her voice, but seems to hang on for something, permission to go perhaps, I’m not sure, but I’m also not ready to say goodbye to my last surviving relative.
The loneliness engulfs me each night like the darkness swallows up the day. I can’t wait to be in your arms again where I belong and feel your warmth and safety. No more cold and lonely nights with nothing but my thoughts and Nanna’s oxygen machine. I miss you so much.
Write back soon. Your letters are the only thing I have to look forward to right now, that and your mum’s visits.
Your loving Ali
xxx
A lone tear slides down my cheek, and I swipe it away with my finger. My poor mum, caring for her nan through the night, wondering if she would make it ’til morning. Thank goodness she had Kane. He must have been a rock for her to lean on. I wish I could have met his mother. She sounds like she was such a kind and caring woman. Not to mention a great baker.
I scan the letter again for a date, noting it’s a good year before I was born. So they were together. They must have split, then got back together. Kane never speaks about it, always so vague.
16
KANE
Shane bends over the pool table, lining himself and the cue up with the white and yellow striped ball. “What’s going on with you and Lilly?”
I twist the cue in my hand, spinning the thick end against the floor. “Nothing. Haven’t seen her since I was last here a few weeks back.”
Dom wipes the head of his pint from his lips with the back of his tattooed hand. “You mean ever since Alison’s daughter came to live with you?” He nudges Shane with his elbow, hoping he’ll join in with the ribbing he’s about to give me.
Shane misses his shot. “Shit.” He takes a step back and grabs his non-alcoholic beer from the wooden ledge that runs along the back wall.
“Don’t tell me there’s nothing going on. I know what it’s like cooped up with a hot woman. Alone.” Dom smirks as he takes another sip of his pint. “The two of you looked comfortable when I dropped Poppy’s car off.”
Dom’s girl, Poppy, and Lillian play at another pool table. They haven’t stopped talking since Dom brought her back here. I can’t hear what they’re saying with the music playing, but with the way the two girls keep glancing our way, it’s clear they’re talking about us.
“I’m taking care of her. She doesn’t have a family.” I lean over to take my turn and miss. Violet should be here. If I’d known it was bring your girl to pool night, I’d have invited her. Trouble is, she’s not my girl and everyone thinks she’s related to me. Only the lads know the truth. And they’ll take that to their grave, as will I.
“Kane has to get his kicks somehow now Lilly’s washed her hands of him.” Shane gives me a look that saysI know you all too well and even if you’re not tapping her, you want to. Shane hits the white ball, nudging the yellow into the pocket, then stands looking rather pleased with himself, eyeing up the next stripe. “You know I took Lilly home that night. She said that was the final straw with you.”
I stifle a laugh. Lilly’s always been pissed with my lack of commitment. “I wondered why she hadn’t called.” A smile curls my lips as I glance at Lilly over the other end of the room. She’s an amazing woman, but I could never commit fully to her. She only ever got small fragments of my shattered heart.
Dom stays quiet for once, probably eye-fucking his girl from across the room. As she leans over the pool table, her button pops, giving us all a glimpse of her cleavage.
I stare at Shane, chalking up his cue across the green cloth. “Is Lilly fucking you now?” I pot the red ball, then walk around to his side of the table.
“Don't be stupid. She's my ex-wife's little sister. I just look out for her, you know that. But if there’s something still there between you and Lilly, you need to step up and stop messing about. I love that girl, so you better fucking treat her right.”
I take a deep breath, not really knowing what to say. I can’t tell him the truth, that the only woman I’m interested in is a bratty eighteen-year-old. She needs my full attention right now. I doubt she’s ever had a proper father figure in her whole life.
I can’t be the man Lilly wants me to be. She’s tried for years to tie me down, and I can’t give her something I don’t have. “I think it’s over, mate. She’s better off without me.” I lean over the table and pot the blue.
Shane can be the man she deserves. Lilly’s always been there for me since she was old enough, even writing to me in—“Dammit.” I miss my next shot. I love her for it, and hate myself at the same time for not stepping up.
I grab my pint from the ledge, wishing it was a whiskey. I could do with getting shitfaced tonight so I don’t have to think about the young girl sleeping in the next room, or her mother. “What about you, Dom? You’re all up in my business; what about you and the redhead?”
Shane glances at Dom over his shoulder. “You need to be careful. Some folks around here might recognise her from that little cameo she did.”
I pinch my eyebrows. “What cameo?”
“Dom’s redhead over there is famous.” He lowers his voice so only I can hear. “The leading lady on Crimewatch TV a while back.” Shane bends across the table and pots the black. A huge fucking grin on his face as the black slides into the net.
“May the best man win, ay?” Dom pats my back and I laugh off his comment. His words hit harder than usual because tonight it’s more than just a lousy game of pool.
Tonight Shane’s won Lilly. We were never official. He’s always had a soft spot for her, especially since his wife left.
