As much as it pained me every time he thought the sun shone out of her arse, I bit my tongue as much as I could, because I knew part of how he looked at me was seeing her.
If he no longer loves her, how can he still love me? How can he want me while hating her as I do? Every time he looks at me, he’ll see her and the disdain will taste like a bitter pill he must swallow time after time.
My fingers curl around the steering wheel of my mini. The rain patters against the tarmac road. It was all too good to be true. Finally, Kane was accepting the idea of us living together as a couple. He’d even invited Shane and Lilly up at the weekend and asked if I’d make a chilli, one of his favourites.
His rumbling voice speaks my name with want and need, echoing in my head. He couldn’t even look at me when I left, let alone speak my name. I thought he may have tried to stop me. Say he was sorry and carry me back upstairs. I would have given in. The bag packing and drawer slamming were done for effect, but he was too absorbed in the book to notice.
I had no intention of leaving last night, but it was inevitable. My shoulders rock as another sob breaks free from my chest. I’m running out of places to go. Time to stand on my own two feet.
49
KANE
Ihaven’t moved off this damn couch all night. I read Ali’s book twice, once reading Ali’s words, then reading again along with all the notes Vi made, piecing her mum’s life together.
This is a side of Ali I never knew. A side I don’t want to know. It’s a good thing the fire went out last night, or I may have been tempted to toss this book into the logs. I should have let Vi burn it when I had the chance.
Everything has been for nothing. The last twenty years of my miserable fucking life a waste. And here I am reduced to a shadow of myself because without Violet, that’s exactly what I am. I should go to her, but I have no clue what to say. I couldn’t even look at her last night or this morning.
The afternoon sun shines through the living room window. Birds chirp outside with the arrival of spring, and I wonder what they have to be so fucking happy about. Belle nudges my hand with her nose, leaving a wet trail against my palm.
“You want some food, girl?” The only thing able to get me off this sofa is feeding her. I slump into the kitchen. The raw chicken Vi was going to cook last night rests on the worktop on a baking tray, stinking up the kitchen. I toss it in the bin and give Belle fresh water and a scoop of kibble from the bag.
The thought of eating churns my stomach. Instead, I opt for a beer from the fridge and slump back to the sofa, grabbing my stash of the good stuff on the way.
* * *
The last weekhas been a blur. I don’t even notice the police car pull up in front of the house until Shane’s towering over me, slapping me on the face. “Wake up, man.”
I jerk up. “Is it, Vi? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s up. I just came to see you.” He scans the room, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, then knocks my legs from the sofa so he can sit down. “Want one?”
I slide a smoke from the packet and dig into my jeans for my zippo. “You don’t just come all the way out here in your uniform just to see me.” I flick the lighter and rest my head back against the sofa as I take a long drag. “Something’s up.”
Shane taps the ash into a cup on the floor that I’ve been using as an ashtray. “Where’s Violet?”
“She left last week. Gone to stay with a friend.” Shane should know the truth, but I can’t seem to find the right words. “So, what’s the real reason you’re here?”
Shane sighs, running a hand over his face. “Gareth made bail.”
I sit up straight as my body tenses.
“He’s moved into his cousin’s place in the city until the trial. It was the terms of the bail. He’s not allowed in town. He’s tagged, so you don’t need to worry about you or Vi.”
“What about the son?”
“He’s doing okay. Can you believe Gareth tried to throw Jack under the bus?” Shane shakes his head in disgust.
I take another pull, needing the nicotine in my veins to stop my vibrating limbs. “How so?”
“He said he came to stop Jack from burning down the house, but all the evidence shows he was the one that started the fires. Plus, Jesse backed up Jack and said that Jack went to stop his father. So the kid is off the hook for now. He went into the house when he heard Belle bark and was hit on the head when some of the ceiling collapsed.”
“You know, they were both there with the same intent. It’s just lucky for us Jack had a conscience, or we might never have been able to prove it was them.” Shane stubs out the cigarette in the mug. “I’m free this weekend. I’ll come up and stay over. Together we can make this place liveable. Dan’s back in the country and Dom said he’d stop by this week.”
“He’s already been up a few times last week. Dan lent me some cash until the insurance comes through.”
“When’s Violet back? It’ll be a nice surprise for her. Between the four of us, we can get a lot done this weekend.”
