48
VIOLET
Iiron my work uniform while Kane sleeps on the sofa. The longer he sleeps, the more I can believe last night was a bad dream. That when he wakes, he won’t remember any of Mum’s diary and we’ll go back to how we were yesterday before he picked up the notebook.
This is all her fault. I hate her for what she did to him. She had a man who worshipped her but didn't appreciate him. I won’t make the same mistake. I want to hold on to the man I love with everything I have.
Belle nudges his hand as he lies on the sofa. When she doesn’t get any response, she licks his face until he stirs awake. Rolling over, he falls to the floor, then climbs back onto the couch, rubbing his eyes.
I take a cup of coffee into the room. “When did you fall asleep last night?”
He takes the drink from my hand, but won’t look me in the eye. “Late. Don’t remember.”
I sit next to him on the sofa and collect Mum’s diary from the floor. “Can we get rid of this now?”
He snatches it from my hand. “No.”
“You have to let it go, Kane.” I reach for his hand, but he moves it away. “Talk to me. Please.”
“What is there to talk about? How can you even stand to be with me?” He runs a hand over the grey speckles on his chin. His hollow eyes appear deeper as if the life was sucked out of him overnight.
“I know what you’re doing. You’re pushing me away because you don’t think you deserve me.”
“I don’t.”
“I forgive you.” My fingers stroke the lines on his brow and he flinches at my touch. “I forgave you weeks ago. I thought that was obvious.”
“It’s not just your forgiveness I need.” His head hangs low, staring at the floor.
“Look at me, Kane.”
“I can’t. Not right now. Just give me some space. I need some time alone.” He opens the book towards the end, reading her confession again.
A lump grows in my throat, almost cutting off my air supply. There’s no getting through to him. It’s as if he’s reliving the past over and over. There’s no future for us if he continues to live in the past. And I won’t stand by and fuel this guilt trip he’s on.
I leave him to his pity party and slump upstairs to change for work. I wasn’t planning on going back to work as it’s quite a drive from here, but the distance will do us good. Now my car’s fixed, I have no excuse not to go. I can stay with Yaz until I can find my own place.
I’ve always been a runner. Never had anywhere that I wanted to settle down until now and like all things that are too good to be true, this is no exception.
* * *
Kane walksout of the bathroom, his sunken eyes mirror the skull on his torso. The serpent on his chest, wrapped around the dagger and skull, finally makes sense. The snake is the guilt he carries, twisting the knife into his bones.
I stand in the bedroom doorway with my holdall. The same holdall I arrived at the farmhouse with. “I’m going to work and I’m staying with Yaz tonight. Give you some space.”
He runs a hand over his tired face. “You don’t have to do that. This is your home now.”
“My home is with Kane. But I don’t know where he is.” Tears form in the corner of my eyes. I just want my man back, the one I call daddy who takes care of me.
“Everything has changed, Letty. I don’t know where he is either.”
“Don’t call me that. You never call me that.” I head down the stairs before he sees me cry, grab the keys for my mini from my hoodie, and open the front door.
Turning my head, I pause in the doorway, hoping he’ll stop me from leaving. He’s at the bottom of the stairs, but makes no attempt to ask me to stay.
Holding back a sob, I say, “When you find him, you know where I am.” With blurry eyes, I step into the rain, unlock my mini, and throw my holdall on the back seat.
He barely even looked at me. I wipe a tear from my cheek, just as my window wipers swish the raindrops from my windshield. This is what I was afraid of. I knew he wouldn’t see me in the same light, and that’s the only reason I kept her sordid secret.
