I chew on the inside of my mouth. “I have to go, Sara. I’m going to have it out with my dad.”
27
NICK
“Hey, Teddy bear. Shall we sprinkle the reindeer food on the front lawn?” I shout from the bottom of the stairs.
Walking into the kitchen, I set everything out like I do every Christmas Eve, getting Teddy excited for Santa. A box of goodies sits unopened on the kitchen table, waiting for Teddy to get out of bed. “Come on, it’s Christmas Eve,” I shout again.
He’s usually up before me, but since Joy left, we’re both on a downer. Even the tree is shedding. We’ve all seen better days. Though, one piece of good news was that I have a buyer for the shop. I don’t have a name yet, but when the agent said they want to keep it running as a toy shop and keep the staff, the tooth fairy could buy it, for all I care.
Teddy yawns as he plods into the kitchen in his gingerbread pyjamas.
“Rough night?” I pour him a glass of milk and slide it along the breakfast bar as he climbs onto a stool.
He pinches his eyebrows in confusion as he sips the milk. I reach for the Christmas Eve box filled with treats and stocking fillers. My heart lifts as he smiles and throws the lid off, hunting through the box at all the goodies in there.
“A gingerbread house kit.” His green eyes sparkle as he holds the box up. “Can Joy come round and help me with it? She told me we could do one together.”
“We won’t be seeing Joy again, Teddy.” I sag against the worktop, the small boost of happiness from a moment ago replaced with a hollow sadness that consumes me. The same sadness I felt six years ago, only Joy’s still very much alive. I never thought I’d find love again after Leoni, and now I have, I just can’t be with her, no matter how much I love her. I keep telling myself this is for the best, even though we’re all fucking miserable.
“Why? Are you not special friends anymore?” His eyes dull like a rain cloud.
“No, we fell out, son.” Your dad’s a first-class idiot and ruined any chances of a relationship with an amazing, fun, and loving woman. I pour Teddy a bowl of his favourite chocolate hoops and slide it across the breakfast bar along with a spoon.
“Why don’t you get her some flowers like before and make friends?” He scoops up a big mouthful, milk dripping from his chin as he talks.
“There isn’t a bouquet big enough to say sorry for what I’ve done.” I flick the kettle, needing another hit of coffee, perhaps one with whiskey in it to get me through the day. Christmas is a difficult time already since his mum passed during the holidays, but this year was the first time I was actually looking forward to it. I always try to make it special for Teddy, but inside, I’m slowly dying. This year is no different now.
Teddy’s mouth drops open. “What did you do?”
I run a hand over my face. Definitely gonna need that whiskey. “I broke her heart.”
He spoons another mouthful of hoops. “I miss her.”
“I miss her too.”
“Can’t you say sorry and kiss her better?”
“Not this time, Teddy.” I ruffle his hair.
He moves his head away from me with a scowl. “But you haven’t tried.” He pushes the half-eaten cereal away from him. “She was going to help me bake some more Christmas cookies and a gingerbread house. You’re always too busy lately to have fun.” He wipes a tear from his eyes.
“Hey, don’t cry.” My heart aches. I’ve been a really shitty dad and employer lately. “Teddy, I know I’ve been busy lately. But that’s all about to change. Someone has bought the shop. I’m going to make more time for you, I promise.”
He dries his eyes and wipes his nose on his sleeve. “You’re not working at the toy shop anymore?”
“No. I’m going to work with Uncle Nathan at the gym. I’ll be able to pick you up from school every day and you won’t need a childminder anymore.”
He crosses his arms over his chest. “I liked Joy looking after me. She made things fun.”
“We can have fun. We can do whatever you want today. Let’s take this bag of reindeer food to the garden centre. They have Santa’s reindeer there in the grotto. Might even get to see the real Santa.”
“He’s not real.”
“Who’s told you that? Of course he’s real. Daddy works for him.” My chest tightens as I realise I won’t be able to tell Teddy I work for Santa next year unless the big guy starts dealing in fitness equipment.
“If he was real, he would’ve granted my Christmas wish.”
