“One of your daughters is a gold digger, and the other is pregnant by my boss,” I screech at them.
Salinger shakes me. “I didn’t sleep with Amy. I didn’t even touch her.”
“But he wanted to. You should have seen how he was flirting with me.” Amy pouts.
“You see?” Lauren shrieks. “Amy stole my boyfriend. Now she’s trying to steal Salinger from Mandy.”
“No, no, no. No. Salinger and I are not dating.”
“Have I taught you nothing?” Gran is having a fit. “No sex? Mandy, you’re almost forty.”
“I’m thirty-four—it’s not that old!” I yell at her as Amy tries to show Salinger her ultrasound photos.
“This is why your father killed the lawn!” my mom screams at us. “Because of this juvenile behavior! Next thing you know he’s going to be rearranging the boulders.”
I push Amy away from my boss.
“I can’t help it. Being pregnant makes me horny.” Amy twirls her hair around her finger.
“Ugh, Mom, do something about her.”
“I need to check the rolls.”
“Dinner is at two,” my dad reminds us.
“I swear, Mandy.” Salinger pulls me closer to him. “I didn’t sleep with her. I just manipulated your sister to give me access to the research system at Seattle University for some data I needed to make an investment. It was easy. I just smiled at her, and she let me have what I wanted.”
“Yeah, because that certainly changes you into being gentleman of the year.”
“Better than being the father of her child.” He releases me.
“We don’t know,” my grandmother insists, the ice cubes clinking in her glass. “Maybe you should stick around, just in case.”
“He doesn’t want to raise another man’s child, especially not Kenny’s, and I don’t know why you want to be a stepmother to that horrible teenager of his, Amy,” Lauren snaps.
“And that’s another reason why Kenny left you!” Amy yells at her. “You were a bad stepmom! No wonder he didn’t want to have a baby with you.”
“The only reason he didn’t have a baby with me is I’m smart enough to know how to use birth control.”
“Get Mandy pregnant instead.” My mother hands Salinger a glass of the boxed wine. “At least she can cook. She’ll be a good wife.”
“I can cook.” Amy is indignant.
“No,” I remind her. “You almost set the house on fire making microwave ramen. Where is Kenny, anyway?”
“He had to go to his kids’ debate match or something,” Amy complains. “He’s always putting them first. It’s so unfair.”
“Dinner is at two.”
“Yes, Patrick,” my mother says. “Go to thetable, everyone.”
“Salinger,” Gran says, “you can sit by me.”
“Gran…”
“You snooze you lose, Mandy. You said you weren’t dating him. That means he’s single and ready to mingle. I’ve been on the internet. I know that younger men want older women nowadays.”
“Then Mandy must be just his type.” Lauren is snide.
