I elbow him. “Lauren, shut up.”
“Aw, someone’s mad because she didn’t get laid. I know you didn’t sleep with him—you’re still extremely uptight.” My sister sticks her tongue out at me.
Salinger’s teeth catch his lip briefly. Thank god he’s not actually my boyfriend, because he would have broken up with me already and been halfway back to the city by now.
“It’s time for Salinger to go—he was just giving me a ride. A non-paid ride,” I add before my mother can launch into twenty questions about Salinger’s employment status.
“That was so gentlemanly of you.” My mother strokes his suit jacket. “You have to stay for dinner after driving all the way out here from the city.”
“It’s not that far, Mom.”
“I don’t know where your manners went, Mandy. Stay for dinner, Salinger. I made Mandy’s favorite—loaded tater tots and sloppy joes. Also, I made an icebox cake for dessert.”
“I don’t think he—”
“I love sloppy joes, Mrs. Miller.”
“Call me Gale! Mrs. Miller is my mother-in-law.”
“Crusty old cunt,” Gran mutters.
“Mom, the timer is going off,” Amy calls, gliding into the living room, her hands cradling her barely there baby bump. She locks eyes with Salinger.
Salinger frowns.
Amy’s eyes light up, and her voice gets breathy. “Hi, Salinger. It’s so good to see you again.”
“What the hell?” I look between them wildly. “No, no, no, no.”
“Now you know how I feel!” Lauren screams, pointing at Amy.
“Praise jeebus.” Gran throws up her hands. “Salinger’s the real baby daddy. We’re all rich! Kick that lump of barely sentient used lubricant to the curb.”
I gag.
“Amy, you’re pregnant?” Salinger seems shocked.
I’m literally going to kill him.
“Asshole. You slept with my sister.” I lunge at him, arms swinging.
He grabs my wrists.
“Salinger,” Gran says, “you can build me my own mother-in-law suite in the back yard. No, shoot, get me my own condo on the beach in LA where I can watch all those hot men in their teeny-weeny bathing suits.”
“You’re the baby’s father? This isn’t fair!” Lauren wails.
I can’t with my sister. “Lauren, stop making this about you! You had a chance to go out with him, and you couldn’t bother to show up on time.”
Salinger turns all his attention on me.
Shoot.
His grip tightens. “You were going to have me go with yoursisterto the charity ball?”
“I don’t know why you’re acting so offended, considering you already slept with my other little sister.” I’m vibrating in anger, yanking at my arms, trying to get away from him.
“Look at him.” Gran is waving her glass of wine around. “He’s an animal. How did you not sleep with him, Mandy? Gale, you failed to teach your daughters to embrace their sexuality. For shame.”
