“Stranger danger! Stranger danger!” the parrot screeched when I walked in.
“I live here,” I reminded the bird.
“Stranger!”
“Good bird,” I told him, going to the kitchen and chucking out a few pieces of granola for him on a plate. I scratched the feathers on his neck.
“Maybe thirty-five,” I decided as I headed to my study.
“Darling! My sweet baby boy!”
“Mom,” I said, startled. She wrapped her arms around me, the hard silicone of her breast implants digging into my ribs.
“I didn’t expect you back so soon!” she said, wavering slightly in her heels. She took a sip of the glass in her hand. “We should—”Hiccup!“We should go for tapas.”
“Mom, why are you in my penthouse?” I asked, trying not to lose it. I didn’t want to deal with her hysterical crying.
But my mom had already started to tear up.
“You’re not happy to see me?” Her mouth wobbled.
“Please go back to your hotel.”
“I don’t have any more money left to pay for it!” she complained.
“I just gave you thirty thousand dollars three days ago!” I exclaimed.
My mother started the heaving sobs that would always make me wince and feel extremely guilty.
“I can’t believe,” she cried, “that after everything I’ve sacrificed, my only son, my only child, doesn’t even want to spend time with me.”
“That’s not—” I blew out an irritated breath.
“Why don’t you love me?” she wailed. “Am I a terrible mother? What did I do wrong?”
I don’t know, neglecting me, fostering an adversarial relationship with my father, looking out exclusively for your own interests, using me as an ATM…
But I bit my tongue.
“I’m not giving you any more money.”
“That’s okay,” she said, dabbing her eyes. “I’ve had all my things delivered here.”
“Stranger danger!” the parrot screeched, flapping over to us.
“Yeah, I see now,” I told him.
“I’m not a stranger,” my mom insisted. “But you always treat me like one.”
“Mom, you cannot live here.”
“I’m homeless!”
“Get out!” the parrot screeched.
“Do something about that animal!” she yelled.
“He was here before you,” I reminded her.
