“My friend Zarah and I published this,” Ida said. “She’s gone in with me on the sex toy business. She’s an artist, and she drew all the pictures.”
The book was large enough to use as a doorstop. I peeked inside. There were very graphic artistic representations of sex positions.
I slammed it closed; the noise echoed around the room. I turned red, hastily trying to cram the book into my purse.
“You can keep it in this,” Ida said and handed me a black canvas bag with the Bath and Body Twerks company logo on it. At least it didn’t scream sex.
I unzipped the bag and almost died. It was filled with sex toys. I didn’t even know what half of them were. I saw handcuffs and a whip. I crammed the book inside, struggling to zip it back up.
“Trust me,” Ida said, “the novelty of lying there while he makes pigs in a blanket wears off very quickly. You need to keep it interesting if you want to lock that down.”
“I can’t accept this.” I didn’t know much about sex toys, but I had looked at Ida’s website, and they were pricey. Besides, I did not want a giant bag of sex toys.
“Your friends bought them for you,” she said, patting the bag.
“I don’t—where am I supposed to put this? I’m at work!” I hissed. The bag was not discreet, and I didn’t have time to run to my apartment then run back. Maybe I could find a dumpster to throw it in. I threw the bag in the corner and went to greet Judge Edna, who had just arrived.
“Good to see fresh blood,” she said shaking my hand.
“We just want to extend the goodwill and make sure our two organizations are working closely together,” I said, putting on my best professional nonprofit advisor face. “Having both of our organizations in the same building will help us make sure we aren’t overlapping our efforts.”
“Seems redundant,” Edna said.
“That’s what I said,” Meg declared.
“The Rural Trust has been around longer than the Harrogate Foundation,” I explained, “in the form of Remington using his money to make small investments in local businesses. He’s helped Ernest install a large greenhouse to grow flowers for his granddaughter’s wedding floral business, for example. Now it employs ten people. We’d like to scale these efforts up. The Harrogate Foundation is about beautifying the city through efforts like the Art Trail and hosting the upcoming Art Zurich Biennial. The Rural Trust is about economic empowerment and job creation. The Straw Boys factory would fall under this umbrella, for example.”
Meg shook her head. “And let me guess—in the future, whenever the Svenssons want to build anything or take over yet another building in town, they’re going to just shovel money into the Rural Trust and call it a day. Pretty soon the Svenssons are going to own the whole town,” she said in annoyance.
“It’s a great idea, Meg,” Hunter said. “And you can’t see it because you’re too blinded about being right to green-light any activities that would be helpful for the residents that you claim to represent.”
“I don’t claim anything. I do represent them,” she shot back. She and Hunter were inches away from each other’s faces. Hello, drama.
“Your great-uncle got you that job,” Hunter scoffed.
I winced. I didn’t even know the situation, but I knew that was the exact wrong thing to say.
“And you’re being a dick because I wouldn’t sleep with you on Friday,” she snarled, poking him in the chest.
Ouch.
“If we could all come right this way,” I said in what I hoped was an authoritative manner. “Let’s begin the tour.”
Hunter and Meg were still glaring at each other, and no one was paying any attention to me.
Parker walked up next to me. He had the Bath and Body Twerks bag over his shoulder.Shit.
“Give that to me,” I muttered, trying to grab the bag from him.
“I have it,” he hissed back. “Why won’t you let me help you?”
“I don’t need your help,” I said desperately.
“You don’t want to leave it here. Someone could steal it,” he said stubbornly as I pulled at the strap.
“Good,” I said, giving one last heave.
The bag ripped, and all the boxes that screamedFor Her Pleasure!bounced onto the floor. One of the boxes flew open, and a large, sparkly purple-and-pink dildo tumbled out as well. It started twitching and vibrating. The LED embedded in it flashed pink and blue, and raunchy porno music echoed around the cavernous space.
