Kaitlyn looked aghast. Meg snickered as I scrambled to stuff the sex paraphernalia back into the bag.
“If you like anything you see here,” Ida announced loudly, “I’m selling it. It’s all made in right here in Harrogate. No one’s putting lead dildos up in their cooch.”
Parker bent down to pick one up. I slapped his hand away.
“Seriously, I cannot with you right now.”
“So we’re all just supposed to watch you pick all these things up?” he demanded.
“They don’t belong to me. They were a prank from my friends, who will now no longer be my friends. All of this is going in the trash.”
“They’re kind of expensive, though, aren’t they?” Meg commented.
“How do you know how much they are?” Hunter growled.
“How do you think?” she shot back.
I tried to shove the toys into the bag Parker held open. Unfortunately, it was ripped, and he had to hold it closed.
“I don’t think you can fit your book in there,” he said, handing me the large tome.
* * *
“I can’t believeI had to walk around doing the whole tour with a huge heavy book with an abstracted picture of some woman’s nether regions on it,” I huffed when we were back in Parker’s car.
His bottom lip was caught in his teeth, and he was clearly trying not to laugh.
“I can’t take this bag to the office,” I complained. “Do you think we could stop by my apartment? I’ll just shove this in a closet.”
My phone buzzed. I tensed, thinking it was my father. I still hadn’t given him an answer. But it was Erika.
Erika:Don’t come back right now. I know you probably weren’t but…
Sadie:So this is a digital sock on the door. Doesn’t the guy have somewhere nicer to go?
Sadie:Not that I don’t love the carpeted bathroom and the orange and the fake wood patterned linoleum.
Erika:Not all of us have guys with random swanky condos to bang at.
Parker was still heading toward my apartment.
“I think we need to turn around. Or better yet, is there a dumpster nearby, out of the way, where Ida won’t see? I can toss this in there.”
“We can stash it in my condo,” Parker said, still clearly trying not to laugh. “Maybe you’ll want to use it one day. I was wondering—if you stuck that dildo up there, would you light up like a lava lamp? Inquiring minds want to know.”
“I’m not shoving a singing, dancing vibrator up my hoo-ha, thank you very much.” I made a face when we stopped in front of his building. “Do you have a black garbage bag or something?”
“Everyone’s at work. We’ll sneak it in.”
I was sweating bullets as we went into the building. I had the book tucked under my shirt. There was one woman in the elevator with a collection of dogs she was taking out for a walk. One of the schnauzers seemed a little too interested in the bag.
“These aren’t dog toys,” I told him firmly.
“People in the North don’t talk to strangers,” Parker said when we were safely in his condo. “I bet she posts about it on Reddit.”
“Curse these dildos. I’m banishing them under the sink.”
“Don’t. You’ll freak the cleaning lady out,” Parker said as he flipped through the big book of sex positions Ida had given me. “Put them in the bathroom.”
