I woke up a few times, my dreams feeling too real, jerking me from sleep. I felt around my bed, half hoping that Chandler would be there, like he was in my dreams. Of course, he wasn’t there and I was met with the coolness of unoccupied sheets. In dreamland, our conversation had played out so differently, but waking up to my lonely reality just made me want to fall asleep again. So I did. I slept until 4 a.m. the next morning, the citybarely waking up and the glow of the sun peeking through the low-hanging clouds.
I peeled the sheets off me and padded to the kitchen, my stomach grumbling for the few meals I had missed since sleeping yesterday away. I pulled out some eggs and microwaveable bacon and quickly whipped up a breakfast. I carried my plate to the living room and watched through the large window as the city lights began to flicker off and the stream of sun replaced them. It should have felt like a new beginning, a fresh start, but I just felt dread.
That dread continued as I walked into the office a few hours later, not sure of what I would be met with when I reached my desk. I noticed Chandler’s door was closed. I almost wondered if he was inside, but the sound of his gruff voice muffled by the door answered my question. He sounded angry. I swallowed hard as I settled in at my desk and tried to focus on my morning tasks.
As I glanced through the shared calendar, I noticed there was nothing scheduled. I refreshed the page to be sure, doing a double-take when I saw it was clear. Today was supposed to be full of meetings.
“What the hell?” I whispered.
Just then, Chandler’s door opened quickly and he stepped out looking like he was on a warpath. I couldn’t tear my eyes from him though, trying to gain some sense of his feelings. His gaze fell to me and bored into me with such a look of disgust that Ithought I might break down and cry right there. His lip curled up into a sneer before he turned on his heel and walked down the hall.
I let out the shaky breath I had been holding, and watched him go. It was clear that he had taken me off today’s meetings and tasks, wanting nothing to do with me. I balled my hands into fists at my sides, feeling my face grow heated. This was bullshit. Webothplayed a part in what had transpired between us. Webothmade a choice that had now led us down a path we weren’t imagining for ourselves. It wasn’t fair that he was taking it out on me, and taking away the one thing I loved, which was my work.
Asshole.
He clearly didn’t care enough about me to even utter a word about my pregnancy. Not one word. It had just been sex to him. It was all just fun and games, until it turned serious. That was when he took off running. As soon as any real responsibility came along, he disappeared into the shell of a man I thought I had cracked open slightly. I shook my head frustratedly.Thiswas the man who was in charge of my family’s company?
Great choice, Dad.
If I didn’t hate him before, I now despised him more than I ever thought possible. I loathed him for everything he was. The selfish, arrogant, uncaring asshole that he was. To think I had actually thought this would turn out any different than it had. It was laughable. Did I really think I would keep the babyand we would become one big, happy family, putting aside our differences to parent?
I realized I was on my own. Chandler wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. It was crippling to imagine doing it all on my own, especially when it wasn’t what I wanted. It seemed so unfair, not only for me, but for the baby. I knew a baby deserved unconditional love and motherly instinct, but I didn’t know if I could provide that in the mess that was my life.
Maybe it was better to not go through with it, though something in my heart broke at the thought of not keeping the baby. I knew it would certainly make my life a hell of a lot easier if I didn’t. I could continue working my way to the top, hating Chandler all the while, and not having anything that tied us together in any way. My father would never have to know about Chandler and me, and I wouldn’t have to face his disappointment.
The rest of the work day, I avoided Chandler as much as possible, pretending to be busy on my computer even though I felt lost on what to do. He was out of the office most of the day, and when he was there, he never once looked in my direction. It felt like the day dragged on, and the only thing I wanted to do was go home and get back in bed. As soon as it hit 5 o’clock, I grabbed my things and hurried for the elevator.
When I reached my apartment building, instead of going home, I stopped at Juliet’s door. I knew it probably wasn’t good for me or the baby if I curled up in bed again, not eating and letting my thoughts chip away at me. Juliet opened the door and pulled me in for a hug.
“I didn’t hear from you yesterday,” she said worriedly. “I stopped by last night, but you weren’t home…”
“I was. I was just drowning in my sorrows,” I said with a sheepish look.
“Aww, Gabs. Come in, come in.” Juliet pushed open her door and led me inside to her couch where I had spilled everything just a few days ago.
“He knows,” I said putting my face in my hands.
“Chandler?” she asked, wide-eyed.
“Mhmm.” I groaned.
“How did it go?”
“Awful. We were at the charity event yesterday and he had invited his mother, and somehow she was onto me like some sort of psychic. It was the strangest thing, and then she basically threatened to tell him if I didn’t,” I said, everything pouring out of me quickly.
“What the hell?” Juliet’s voice grew loud.
“It feels like a nightmare. I haven’t come to terms with any of it.”
“What a nosy old lady!”
“I think she meant well. I don’t know. It was just all so weird, and then I felt like I had to tell Chandler. I just hated that it felt so forced.”
“Yeah, that’s awful,” said Juliet, shaking her head. “What did he say?”
I laughed softly. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” she raised a brow.
