“Shame, that’s exactly what I was planning on doing.”
River yanked the mug out of his grip and slammed it down.“Grow up.”He grabbed Kai’s collar before he could say anything else; his other hand wrapped around his jaw, forcing Kai to meet his eyes.“Youhate this?You’resuffering?Well, get used to it, because it’s your life now.And not justyourlife, you selfish twat.”
He turned Kai’s face towards Ione at the window, still refusing the chunks of bread Cynthia offered her.“Do not waste her pain,” River ground out before releasing him.“If you have to fuck yourself up, do it when she’s far enough away to avoid dealing with you.”
There was something in watching River walk away that made Kai feel cold.Stranded.For a moment he wanted to reach for him, haul him back, keep him from leaving Kai to do this alone.
Ione resented him, and Cynthia rightfully stuck by her.If River abandoned him, too, he would have no one.
The Tannos swayed on the waters beneath them.They had begun moving, gliding to their new home.
A muffled sob.River and Cynthia saw to Ione, touching her arms, smoothing her hair.Kai watched from afar, angry and hurt and remorseful and wallowing in it all, especially when River pivoted and walked past Kai without a glance.Kai ignored him too and ensconced himself in the throne-like captain’s chair, picking broodily at a sweetroll as he scanned some blueprints spread out on Hilo’s desk.
The ensuing silence was dense, the air rattling within Kai’s skull.He pressed his palms into his ears as Cynthia tried in vain to convince Ione to walk somewhere or other with her.He heardshower– there were communal showers and wash basins below deck – and finally Cynthia stood, spent a heroic moment attempting to coax Ione out of her nest, and then drifted out the door alone.
River returned, clean and in a new tunic and trousers; he paused for a cursory scan of the room before heading into the adjacent bathing room.Water splashed noisily, setting Kai’s teeth on edge; once again River walked right past him to Ione, who had by now fallen asleep.
Then, to Kai.“Get up.”River wrenched him out of the chair.“I drew a bath.Seeing as you’re our dear leader now, you need to clean up like one.”He dragged Kai into the bathing room and motioned to the huge brass tub, filled almost to the brim from the cistern mounted on the wall.“You will have to heat it,” was all River said before tossing a heap of new clothes onto a chair beside the cistern and leaving.
Kai stared at the water, admittedly not hating the idea of a bath, even if River doubtless meant this to be for Ione.His skin itched and he reeked of smoke and sweat, so with a wave he heated the water, peeled off his burnt and bloody clothes, and eased himself into the basin.A tray on the side table held washcloths and a bar of verbena-flecked soap, so Kai scrubbed every inch of himself until he felt human again.
Human.Ha.Was he even human now?
Was this body even his?
The latch on the door clicked, and small grey figure slipped in.Ione didn’t so much as look at him as she padded to the tub.
“I’ll get out.”Kai shifted, but Ione clawed her filthy dress over her head and discarded it.
“I don’t care,” she said – the first thing she’d said in ages – as she stepped into the tub with him.Water sloshed over the edge and onto the floorboards; Kai lifted a hand, gathering the excess water and evaporating it.
Ione stared at the remaining puff of vapour for a long time, envy ghosting her features.Kai hid his hands under the water, guilty, but she said nothing else as she began scraping the ash from her body.
Kai watched her, wishing she would talk, shout at him, look at him.Her eyes were lowered, vacant.She just gazed at the water, mechanically washing herself, scrubbing her skin raw, until Kai took her hands and stopped her.
Even if he had the right words to say, he wondered if she would hear them.She’d stopped moving entirely when Kai had grabbed her hands, so he reached over the side of the basin for a small wooden pitcher.He filled it and poured it over her hair, using his other hand to shield her face.
You’re loved, he thought again and again at her as he lathered her hair with soap.Please feel that.Please know that.
“What will happen?”she whispered, her grey eyes finally, finally rising to meet his.
Kai rinsed her hair.He couldn’t answer.Had no answer.
Ione went quiet again, lifted her hand close to her eyes and picked blood out of the crevasses of her rings and necklace with her fingernails.That she still wore them at all gave him a depressing amount of hope, that he wasn’t alone, that she didn’t despise him.
He made a promise.Even if she did despise him, he’d stand by her.
She perhaps had the same thought, that this man she’d married, this thief, had ruined her life and may just continue to, because she crumpled, tears falling freely again.She didn’t protest as Kai cupped her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers; she just closed her eyes and breathed in, out.In, out.And when she opened her eyes again, the sorrow had drained from her entirely.She was empty, lifeless, as she had been for hours up until now.
Kai pulled her to him, circling one arm around her shoulders.He leaned against the back of the tub, letting her rest her head on his chest, and stared at the wooden ceiling.
They would reach Caelos soon.And after that…
What will happen?,Ione wondered.
The truth was, Kai hadn’t a fucking clue.
Chapter Eighteen
