Charred bookshelves loomed overhead as he explored, a reminder of the destruction he was supposed to keep from happening again.He ran a finger along a line of thick, blackened books, flinching when one crumbled to ash.
“You found me.”River, wreathed in faint twilight shining in from a window.
Kai smiled, his pulse spiking as River strode towards him.“You found a good hiding place.How’s my new extended family?”
A shrug, wry.“About as new to you as they are to me.”
Beyond the dusty window, rows of Mahina ships dotted the bay, a wordless threat to all outsiders.But at the first graze of River’s fingertips on his face, his neck, his chest, Kai’s mind emptied, reducing him to nothing but touch and taste, heat and racing heart.
He hadn’t anticipated the lack of privacy, the dozens of eyes on him now that he was Menon.He didn’t think he’d care, but he did, and so did River, both of them agreeing to keep their relationship between them and whoever they could trust.Just for now, just to keep that slice of vulnerability away from prying eyes, from jealousy and judgment.
His back hit the cool wall and River lowered to his knees before him, and Kai let his eyes fall closed, peaceful, basking in the indescribable warmth of being with someone he wanted, and who actually, impossibly, wanted him, too.
He cared for Ione.Had come to love her, he believed.But their separate yearnings for River and Lina had hung over them, constrictive, felt like cords around their necks.
Here, with River, even the darkness of this ruined room felt like home.
His fingers tangled in River’s curls and he whispered a broken string of praise and curses in the gods’ tongue as River took him apart with tongue and lips and teeth.It was called for, deserved: the language was for magic and prayer, and discounting the goddess dwelling within him who didn’t even pay rent, River blowing him was as close to a religious experience as anything he’d ever felt.
After he’d finished River pressed his lips just beneath Kai’s ribcage.The solar plexus, Kai thought it was called; he’d only ever been punched there and didn’t know something as simple and pure as a kiss would make his heart squeeze.He pulled River to his feet and returned the favour, in love with the way River gripped his hair and rolled his hips into him.
Minutes or hours might have passed before they curled up together at the bay window, Kai’s head resting on River’s shoulder, both of them staring out to sea and pretending that this would be forever.
It would be.Of course it would.
At the end of the room, the door creaked open, soft light from the hall blanketing the broken bookshelves and casting eerie shadows.River tensed and Kai scrambled to his feet, straightening his jacket – but the familiar clacking of boots put him at surprising ease.His family was no friend to him, but his mother and Etan, lumbering after her, were better than Saros.
Malia’s brows furrowed when she stepped around the shelves and found them, Kai, standing awkwardly; River, knees drawn up at the seat before the window.In the half-light, she looked almost worried, a black shawl pulled tight around her shoulders.
“There you are,” she said, coming around to them.Kai must’ve looked a certain way, because she frowned at him, at River, and back again.“Gods, Kai, you know I don’t give a shit what you get up to.”
Kai summoned a laugh and sat beside River again.“Thanks, Mam.”
She crossed her arms and leaned against a bookshelf; Etan stood guard beside her, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but here.“I saw you nearly collapse today casting wards,” Malia said.“I wanted to check on you.”
Good to know she was spying on him.“I’m grand.”
She quieted, studying him like he was a specimen behind structurally-dubious glass.Gradually River shifted in his seat and lowered his legs, as though he expected an argument or a fight, and Kai laid his fingertips over his thigh.
He breathed, willing himself to appear bored.Holy, unreachable, something Ione had perfected.“Well,” he drawled, “it’s lovely as always seeing yous.Bring Nalu next time and make my night.”
Etan snorted.“Lulu’s busy crawling up Saros’s ass thinking it’d get him recognition.”
“Sounds familiar,” Kai shot at his mother.
A contrite wrinkle formed between her brows.“Saros was one of my oldest allies,” she said, her voice soft.Sad.“After your father passed and I was forced to defend our fleets, Archpriest Saros pardoned me.I owed him my life.”She lifted her head.“But then he hurt me in a way I can’t forgive.”
She was looking at him like she wanted him to figure something out, to stop being so stupid and useless.Kai knew that look pretty well.
“Mam,” Etan said.“Just tell him.”
Malia sighed like she was in pain.“Kai,” she said, her voice gentler than it had been in years.“When I heard Menon had chosen you, I was honoured.And proud.But – ”
“Menon can go fuck Herself.”Kai loosed a harsh laugh.This was what she’d come here to bother him with?“You’re proud?Ofthis?”
“Kai – ”
He stood and paced before River could catch him, too agitated to stay still.“Menon’s the reason my and Ione’s lives’ve gone to shit,” he snapped.“Menon’s the reason everyone expects me to lead them, to save them, to kill an entire population of people so they can win their shitty holy war.For fuck’s sake, Menon’s the reason I can’t even shave without asking Hilo for my own fucking razor back.Menon’s– ”
