"One that would take us away from their home," I counter. "And would force me to abandon the business I built from nothing, gave seven years of my life to and happen to fucking love."
Would I do it, walk away from the thing that fills me with joy and makes me feel most like myself? If it was best for the kids? Fuck, yeah. Without thought or hesitation.
But I don't believe moving them out of this house is best. And maybe that's some sort of selfish denial blended with wishful thinking, but I still believe we can make this work.
"Could I take on being the social media person representing all of Kitterman ranch's rodeoing crew when they hit the circuit, taking their pictures and highlighting their sponsors on the road while focusing on the ranch during the off season? Sure. But I don't want to. Nor do I want the kids to have to travel every weekend. It's too much to ask them to be on the road for two and a half days and jump back into school on Monday mornings. They need time to rest. To just be. To have playdates and park days. To see their grandparents. And spend time with you."
The last part comes out without thought, but I don't scramble to try and take it back or change the way the words sound. They're the truth. Remmi and Gavin love Jovi. And after losing both their parents, the last thing I would ever do is take them away from another person who loves them. A person who's the closest thing to a father they'll likely ever have again.
Still, he looks taken aback. Either by that last part or the entire admission. I don't know and I don't ask. Instead, I wait for him to digest it all.
"You're sure." He takes a step closer, rounding the corner of the island to stand in front of me. "Because I wouldn't hold you to our deal if this was the right thing for you. For the kids."
"I just told you—"
But he cuts me off. "And you and Brennan."
Stumped, I blink, shaking my head. "Me and Brennan?"
His eyes dart to the side. "Come on, Liz. I know you two have history. And it doesn’t take a genius to figure out this offer was part of him wanting a future with you too. He was your big love in high school. Lena always said she thought you two would have gotten married if you had stayed put. Well, now you're back. And we both know Kitterman's trainer doesn't need to bring his horses all the way out here every Friday to work them when they have a perfectly fine facility themselves. Brennan comes to see you. Maybe this is a second chance for you both."
I frown. "But I didn't stay put. I left." I let out a laugh, confused by the turn this conversation has taken. "If Brennan was really my big love, don't you think I would have stayed to be with him?"
He shrugs, eyes still avoiding mine. "You want the truth? I'm not sure you'd have known how to back then."
I suck in a breath. I'm not sure he meant the jab to hit me like a fist to the gut, but it did.
"What is this really about, Jovi? Because I've been back in town for months, and I've expressed zero interest in picking up where I left off with Brennan. Unlike you, who's made repeated mentions of the two of us getting back together." And it clicks intoplace. "Is that what you're hoping? That I get back together with him? And, what, we get married? I have him adopt the kids and go live happily ever after at his place to set you free of your responsibilities here?"
I scoff. "I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. Your commitment phobia has helped you burn through every other relationship so far. Why would we be any different?"
Jovi's gaze snaps back to mine in an instant. "Are you fucking serious right now? You think I want out? That I'd walk away from you and the kids the first chance I got?"
"Why not? You had the perfect life before Trent roped you into this mess. A successful career. A beautiful paid-for house. A doting girlfriend. The freedom to come and go and do as you please. It only makes sense you'd want it back. Especially now that the only anchors to this part of your past are gone."
He lunges toward me, closing the last of the distance between us, until we're only inches apart.
I expect him to shout. To roar at me in anger.
But his words are damn near silent, carried on little more than strained breath.
"I hated my life. It was empty, built from the bones of someone else's dreams and kept in motion by inherited responsibility. Trent didn't rope me into a mess by honoring me with this task. He gave me back a piece of myself. And you and I both know, he and Lena weren't my only anchors."
His eyes squeeze shut for a moment. When they open again, a thick sheen covers his dark irises.
"I don't want out, Liz. And when it comes to walking way, the only fucking thing you should be wondering is if I could sit by and watch you do it."
The intensity between us mounts as the silence drags on and I'm too stunned, too confused, to respond.
Before I can wrap my head around what he's said, he steps back, breaking eye contact as he drops his chin to his chest with a sigh. "Watching you take the kids would be painful," he says, tone tighter than before. As if he's working hard to strip all emotion from it. "But I'd like to think I wouldn't be so selfish as to ask you to hold to our bargain if leaving was what was best for the kids."
The kids. Of course that's what he meant. Who he wouldn't want to see leave.
I clear my throat. "Well, like I said," I turn toward the counter, fussing with the spoon and sugar left there from fixing my coffee. "You don't have to worry about that. I have no plans to leave. Fate could deal us another shit twist and give me no choice but to move with the kids, and I'd still never take them from you nor want you to stay away from them."
"Good," he says, and I can hear him shuffle back to his spot behind the island. Only when I hear the clink of his mug being lifted from the marble counter, do I dare turn around to face him again. "I meant what I said too. You can count on me, Liz. For as long as it takes."
JOVI
