“Dad. Jesus.” I hold my hand over my pounding heart. “How long have you been standing there?”
He shrugs and then moves on. “What are you doing?”
“Ryan’s coming over. I’m just waiting,” I reply.
My dad grunts as he tosses the rest of the brownie into his mouth and wipes his hand on his coveralls.
“He could actually ring the doorbell and come in. Don’t you think? Nobody does the right thing anymore.”
“When did you get so pessimistic? You know people can’t do the right thing if you don’t actually give them a chance to,” I say. He furrows his eyebrows at me. “We’re just friends, Dad. So you can stop with the grumbling,” I add with a sigh as Ryan’swhite Honda Civic swings into the driveway. I head out the door before he can say anything else.
As I approach the car, Ryan rolls his window down, but there isn’t even a glimpse of his normal sparkly smile, which I’ve gotten used to seeing.
“You want to go for a walk around the neighborhood?” I ask, flicking my head down the road.
Ryan nods before climbing out of his car.
I know my dad is probably still standing at the window watching, so I don’t say anything for the first minute as we make our way a few houses down. My street is so quiet that we walk right down the middle of the road, taking turns kicking a stone out ahead of us again and again until it tumbles into a storm drain.
“Thanks for coming,” I say finally, looking over at him.
“Kinda left me hanging.” He shrugs, his shoulders drooping more than usual.
“Yeah…” When I don’t elaborate, he gives me a look likeWell, are you going to explain or what?So I tell him the only thing I know for sure now.
“I’m sorry about what I did. I was just… having a really bad day. That’s not an excuse, either. It was a really weird thing to do and I know I probably hurt you and embarrassed you in front of your coworkers. I really am sorry, Ryan.”
“It’s okay.” He says it so easily. The words I couldn’t say to Nora no matter how many times she apologized to me. “Pete, the cook, calls me Casanova now. So thanks for that,” he adds, making us both laugh, and the air feels a little lighter between us as a result. But there’s one more thing I have to say.
“So, uh… I was thinking maybe we could just be friends,” I say.
“I think maybe that’s a good idea,” he replies without much hesitation. I expect it to sting, but it doesn’t.
I lead us down a quieter street that’s mostly empty lots that were never sold, overgrown weeds shooting up all around us.
“So that’s it, huh? That’s all you’re going to give me? You know, now that we’re friends, maybe you could talk to me about what was going on,” he says.
I take a deep breath and open my mouth. I guess this is where I have to take a bit of a leap of faith that he’s the guy I’m hoping he is.
“Can I, umm… ask you something that’s kinda… well… Can I just ask you something?” My throat is suddenly almost too dry to speak.
“Sure,” he replies, looking over at me as we move to the side of the street to avoid an oncoming pickup truck, black smoke rolling out of a rusty muffler. I swallow hard.
“Can you like… not look at me?” I ask, letting out a nervous laugh.
“Uh, okay.” He looks down at his feet hitting the tar-and-chip road. I check over both of my shoulders and all around us to make sure no one is within hearing distance.
Every front yard is empty, but even so I keep my voice barely above a whisper. “Do you think it would be really weird if I liked… a… not a boy?” The second the words leave my lips, I instantly regret them and I clench my teeth so hard that I think my jaw might bust in two.
Why would I ask him that? Why would I askanyonethat? He’s going to think I’m—
“I don’t think it would be weird at all if you liked not a boy.” I see him swing his head over to me out of my peripheral vision.
“It’s okay if you do,” I reply, too embarrassed to make eye contact.
“Well, first of all, it wouldn’t be okay. And second, Stevie, it’snotweird.” He puts his hand out, lightly catching the front of my arm to stop me from walking. I sneak a glance to find him squinting at me suspiciously. “Nora Martin?”
My cheeks instantly feel warm and I look away quickly, panicked. “What? Why would you think that?”
