“One of the Torleik fallenspoke to me before he died.”
Fen stopped short.They were shoulderto shoulder, and Cai felt him swallow the rest as if it had been astone.He sought Fen’s hand blindly, wondering at its chill.“Whatmore do you have to tell me?”
“Nothing of significance.Come back with me now.You’re cold.”
“No—youare.Fen—your brother abandoned you here,but the waves didn’t get you.I did.I’ve lived at your side.I eatwith you, breathe with you.I can feel whatever you’re trying notto tell me now, bottled up inside you like water behind adam.”
“You feel too much.”It wasa low growl, and Fen turned to him, his grip closing hard.“Whatmore would you have of me?Your brethren are dead here.If you wantmore bad tidings, we lost half our grain and all the beasts we’dhidden in the caves.”
The news almost distracted Cai.His mind tried to seize the new problem—their reduced numbers, howfar the food that remained could be spread amongst those leftalive.“I can weather all that,” he said grimly.“Did thevikingrtake theanimals?”
“No.Wilfrid was so eagerfor the fight that he didn’t pen them in properly.Theyescaped.”
“Then the goats willprobably make their way home.And we might be able to round up thesheep.Yes, we can weather that—no thanks to you, shepherd.”Cailaid a tender hand on Wilfrid’s grave.“Now tell me therest.”
“When Gunnar took over fromSigurd, it threw the tribe into chaos.They fought among themselvesuntil half their warrior chieftains were dead, and when the rivalclans who live in the marshlands around knew their weakness, theymoved in.They are besieged.They have no winter stores, andnow—with Gunnar gone—they have no leader.Caius,beloved—”
“Quiet.I’m tired now.Please take me back.”
Cai knew how to make a man love him.The mechanics of desire were simple.Theo had taught that plainly,to men thrown together night and day, most of them healthy andyoung.They could and did operate without permission from the mindor soul.A monk could be as devoted as he wished, and still beplagued by them, and it was not a source of shame.Control them asbest you can—cold plunges, meditations, prayer—but all can still belost.Even when the mind says no and means it, the flesh can haveits way.
Fen’s mind was certainly saying no.His mouth too, until Cai had clapped a hand across it.Fen had lefthim alone until darkness fell, and then he had come as always sincethe raid, to sleep beside him, warm him, make sure he came to noharm in the night.And Cai had seized him and begun to change hisbody’s no to yes.Cai knew men’s flesh and how it worked—knew thisone best of all.
Fen fought his way out from under.Hetook hold of Cai’s shoulders and dumped him down onto the bed.“What are you doing?Don’t make me hurt you!”
“You are going back tothem.”
A terrible silence, Fen’s eyes blazingdown into his.“Caius.Stop.”
“The next time we meetcould be on a battlefield.Why the hell don’t we startnow?”
He smacked Fen hard across the face.Other demons could be called up too, and this one lived close toFen’s surface.He wasn’t a tolerant man.The trick workedinstantly—Fen cuffed him back.He had laughed until he wept whenCai had told him the doctrine of turning the other cheek.But hewasn’t the same creature who had been marooned here in the spring.His eyes filled with tears.“Stop this.”
Cai dragged him down into a kiss thattasted of blood.There was the surge of his erection.Evenunwilling, Cai could command his body.Perhaps the soul wouldfollow.“You are going home.Why?They betrayed you.”
“My brother.Not my wholeclan.They are starving, diseased.I can’t abandonthem.”
“I can’t let yougo.”
“Then come with me.Leaveyour brethren behind and sail with me.Can you?”
Cai stopped struggling.He lay still,his breath coming in great gulps.The prospect unrolled itselfbefore him.At first it felt like an answer.He could taste thesalt now, hear the rush of the wind as it had sung to him on theirway back from Addy’s island.It wouldn’t be easy.He would be aChristian among hostile strangers, lucky to escape with his hide.But to be on shipboard with Fen, perhaps with one of those greatdragon heads dipping and rising with the motion of theprow…
Leaving his brethren behind.Oslaf andEyulf and the rest of them, the little community that had beensmashed to pieces again and again, this time almost to oblivion.The men who looked to him to lead them, flawed though hewas.
For many years now, Cai had thought ofhimself as a grown man.He had left his father’s kingdom and comehere, stiff with pride and independence.He had trained an army,fought and killed with them.He had taken a lover, in the teeth ofhellfire doctrine and the religion he had vowed toserve.
But he had been a child.Adulthood didn’t lie in action, or the assertion of his will.Itwas here in this moment.Fen couldn’t have imposed it upon him moredeeply.Forget them so you can be with me…Impossible.But Cai had asked thatvery thing of him.
Cai grew up fiercely, gasping at thepain of it.Fen was still holding him fast at the focus of thatmerciless gaze, making him see.No nobility, no fire.Just theslow, cold dawning of realisation.He had taken the men of Farainto his hands, and now he couldn’t let them fall.“Go and look inthe box in that far corner.”
“What?”
“Just go and open it.I hadOslaf bring it up from the cellar, after you had talked to me bythe graves and I knew what you were going to do.”
Fen detached himself stiffly fromtheir embrace.After a moment he returned, his expressionwondering.In his left hand he clasped the magnificent helmet Caihad found on the beach and hidden away from them both.“You told methis had been lost.”
“I picked it up from thebeach that night.I put it away in a box in myinfirmary.”
