“A prince in his own land, and…”For the first time Fen’s voice faltered.“And a fine man who hashealed me.Besides, hewilllike it.”
Cai crashed down with him into thesand of the dunes.Only one sea-grass ridge shielded them, but noone came out here.They were alone in the sight of God, a god Caiknew from the marrow of his bones did not send men to hell forlove.Had he dragged Fen the last few yards off the beach, or hadhe succumbed to the Viking’s grip?He couldn’t remember, and itdidn’t matter now.Fen rolled on top of him, and that was afirst—that full weight, a man of his own size and strength pinninghim down.He moaned in fear and pleasure, turning his face to findthe rough kiss he’d broken off before.
Fen met him hungrily, tongue thrustingdeep.“Caius!”
Not like a sheep giving birth now.Nowthe sound of his full name made Cai’s shaft lift still harder, asif summoned by royal command.“Say it again,” he growled, biting atthe side of Fen’s neck.
“Caius.Caius.You fineman… Lie on your belly for me.”
“Oh, God.No.”
“Are you afraid?Did Leofnever fuck you?”
Leof.Cai froze, clutching at Fen’sshoulders.That ancient wordfuck, the same in both their languages, rang in his ears.Theyweren’t far from the place where Cai had last loved him.Just overthe dunes from here, the boy’s fine hair fanning out on the turf ashe lay down in surrender.“You know how you won’t let me say yourbrother’s name?”
“What of it?”
“Don’t say his.”
“Why not?”Fen tugged atthe girdle of Cai’s cassock, then gave up on that and ran a handunder its hem, his palm warm as life on Cai’s chilly thigh.“I cando anything for you he did.More.”
“I don’t doubt it.He wasgentle.There was no fucking.”
“Pitiful.Wasn’t heable?”
“Shut up.”Cai pushed Fenoff him.“He was… You’ve no idea what he was.”And the thing Caicouldn’t forgive was not Fen’s ignorance but his own forgetting.“He’s only been dead for six weeks.And your lot killedhim.”
“I told you, not theTorleik.”
“I don’t care!You’re allthe bloody same to me!”Cai scrambled upright.When Fen reached tograb him, he slapped him aside, the blow connecting this time, asharp crack.“I loved him.And now you’ve turned me into a beastlike yourself.”
Fen stared at him.Cai struggled toread the changing lights in his eyes.Fires of lust were blazingthere—a heat to match his own—but what was the darkness behind?Hecouldn’t have caused this creature serious pain.Not that kind—nota raw hurt of rejection.
“I loved him,” he repeated.“I shouldn’t have come here.Take… Take my horse.Take the damnchariot if you want.You’re not my prisoner anymore.”
Fen stood up.He had consented tobeing shaved once a week along with the Fara monks, and the mark ofCai’s blow stood out clearly on his white skin, a crimsonhandprint.Cai forced himself not to step back in fear of him.Whatever barbaric world had spawned him, he was the prince of it—areal one, unlike Cai, with his few muddy acres and his brawling sotof a father.
He looked down on Cai from a pitch ofenraged royalty.“Your horse?You think I’d consent to take thatmongrel nag—or your father’s hay cart?”
“All right.To hell withyou.Don’t.”
“Do you imagine I offermyself—my flesh, my manhood—without meaning?For a brainless fuckon the sand?”
Cai swallowed hard.“How do I knowwhat you do?You’re my enemy.I should never have forgottenit.”
“I would have made yourblood sing.”
Cai turned away blindly.He grabbedthe chariot’s rail and hauled himself aboard.He was shaking inevery limb, barely able to untangle Eldra’s harness.She didn’trespond to his shout, as if holding opinions of her own about hisdecision to leave, and for the first time he struck her—thelightest sting to the rump with the loop of the reins, but enoughto make her start forwards, dancing in outrage.“Go on,” he calledagain, voice breaking like a boy’s.“Get on with you.Go!”
Fara was in sight before Eldraslackened her pace.The stark outlines of the monastery—more thanhalf in ruins now—broke Cai from a trance.
He hadn’t meant to come so far.Forthe last couple of miles, rage dying out of him, he’d known what hewas doing and let the horse thunder on anyway, hiding his thoughtsin the beat of her hooves.But he’d abandoned a wounded man.Friend, enemy, lover—it didn’t really matter.He was a doctor, andFen had been under his care.
He turned Eldra and drove her back theway she’d come, cold fear tightening his throat.If Fen had goneinto the dunes, Cai’s chances of tracking him in the soft,windblown sand were slim.There would only be a gap in the world,as Leof and Theo were now empty spaces to him.Cai didn’t feel asif he could bear another hole.He was a cobweb already.The nextgale would blow him away.As he approached the place where he andFen had parted, he gripped the reins hard, legs weakening.Hedidn’t know how it had happened, but if Fen was gone, Cai had lostfar more than a patient or a prisoner.The beach was empty.He feltsick.
He could hear something.He pulledEldra to a halt and dismounted, this time forgetting to tie up herreins.It was a kind of chanting, not melodious like Laban’splainsong but broken and rough.The sea fret was thickening now,riding the incoming tide.Spectral figures danced in it, and Caishielded his eyes against the glare from the cloud-wrapped sun.Farout in the water, just before the place where the beach shelveddown to unknown depths, a solitary human figure was standing.Hewas breast-deep, his hands raised and pressed to the back of hishead in an attitude of prayer—or desperation, Cai realised,beginning to run.The dark shape at the water’s edge was adiscarded cassock.Barely breaking pace, Cai hitched up and toreoff his own.The heavy wool would drag him under instantly once itgot soaked through.
He ran until the resistance of the seaagainst his thighs became too strong, then arced forwards into adive.Waves slapped him hard in the face, and his lungs and gutclenched at the chill, the implacable north-shores bite that nevereased, even in the heart of summer.Brine flooded his sinuses, andhe coughed and forced a rhythm on himself, four powerful strokes,then a breath.Four and a breath, looking for his target each timehe surfaced.Expecting each time for Fen to be gone.
