Ilys sighed heavily, weariness shadowing her face. “I am exhausted by talk of balance and cycles. I know that hate will always breed more hate. Another ruler, another tyrant, another monster will rise as quickly as we strike one down.” Her voice quieted, threaded with raw honesty. “I no longer seek to balance scales I cannot hold. I only wish to return a fragment of what I’ve taken in the name of that endless cycle.”
Rowenna pulled Ilys to her chest, holding her tight. “I will do it. I will do it.”
The door creaked open, spilling cold air into the room. Leif stepped in first, his broad frame filling the doorway, the boy tumbling past him like a pair of loose arrows.
“Beck!” Ilys barely had time to brace before he collided with her, small arms wrapping around her waist. She bent to meet him, clutching him close, breathing in his familiar, earthy scent.
“You’re back,” Beck said breathlessly.
“I am,” Ilys said softly, smoothing his hair, “but only for a moment.”
Rowenna rose, her face pale but set. “Wake her,” she urged quietly, tilting her head toward the bed where Hanna slept, her breathing evening. “She would want to know this is the last time.”
Ilys’s gaze lingered on Hanna, her chest aching at the thought. Then she shook her head.
“It is not the last time,” she said, her voice firm, as though willing it to be true. “And I wouldn’t dare wake such a lovely dream.” She padded over to the little Veilwalker, pressing a soft kiss to Hanna’s brow, her lips lingering there. When she straightened, she pressed a finger to her lips, bidding Rowenna to cease arguing.
Then, with a hand trembling just enough to betray her, Ilys brushed the hair back from Hanna’s face.
“My stubborn girl,” she whispered, her voice both fierce and breaking. “My fierce girl. How proud you’ve made me.”
Ilys turned to Rowenna, drawing her close despite the swell of her belly, giggling at the space between them.
“I cannot wait to meet her,” she said, gaze fixed on the curve of Rowenna’s stomach.
“Her?” Rowenna arched a brow. “Confident.”
Ilys kissed each of her cheeks, breathing in the lavender scent of her oldest friend, her first great love. She leaned close, lips brushing Rowenna’s ear. “I laid with Death,” she whispered, a spark of mischief in her tone.
Rowenna smacked Ilys’s uninjured shoulder, eyes wide. “You did not.”
Ilys bit her lip and nodded, and the two of them collapsed into laughter, helpless and breathless. Rowenna gulped air like it might fill the hollow where sorrow threatened to creep in.
“I love you,” she said, voice soft but certain.
“I love you,” Ilys returned, her eyes wet as she tilted her face toward the ceiling, hiding her fear.
When she turned to Leif, her voice had steadied. “Leif, come here, you old bastard.” She wrapped her arms around him, holding tight. “I will haunt you if you do wrong by her.”
He laughed awkwardly, patting her back, not realizing this was Ilys’s tell—her quiet way of saying goodbye.
Despite her promises, despite her hopes, she did not plan to return.
Chapter 42
With Hanna safe, everything that followed came easier. Ilys felt lighter, bolder with every step. She slipped back into the Sanctum under the cover of night, her heart beating in time with her resolve. When she turned the corner toward Hanna’s chamber she froze. There, slumped against the door, was Morrigan.
His small body curled protectively against the threshold, his fur darkened with dust, his nose pressed to the seam beneath the door as if guarding what lay within. One ear twitched when he heard her, and his tail thumped weakly against the floor.
Ilys’s breath broke in her throat.
She sank to her knees, her hand trembling as it reached for him. “Oh,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “Oh, my love… I forgot you.”
The words burned as soon as they left her mouth. Morrigan licked her wrist, whining softly, the sound sharp enough tosplinter her. She gathered him close, burying her face against the rough warmth of his coat.
“I’m so sorry,” she murmured, her voice shaking. “I didn’t mean to leave you here. You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t be anywhere near this place.”
He only looked up at her, eyes bright with the kind of loyalty that had always undone her.
