It sounds logical, but I can’t help myself.
I am about to play the game on my phone, so I can glance at it over dinner, when from the corner of my eye, I catch someone dropping onto the field.
My phone clatters to the floor. I rush in front of the TV, needing to know Ian is safe, only to realize the one who is hurt is Levi.
“They get injured all the time,” my mom tries, but something feels off as the players gather around Levi.
The game is interrupted, skyrocketing my trepidation. My heart hammers so loud, it might crack my chest.
Breath lodged in my throat, I stare shell-shocked as the paramedics take Levi off on the gurney. Ian appears like a lone cliff in the middle of a tsunami. His hurt tugs at my heartstrings, making me an emotional mess.
Levi will bounce right back, I tell myself, but it doesn’t help. I think of Amelie next, and my stomach knots. The worry nauseates me. I should be there with them, not on a freaking spa trip, only to feel bad for even thinking that. Time spent with my mom is precious.
“I need to head back home,” I tell her, and pick up the phone discarded on the floor. My fingers shake so badly that it wouldn’t surprise me if it slipped out of my hold again.
I search for the next flight only to see that the first one available is tomorrow morning at 7:30 a.m. It’s a nonstop flight that arrives in San Diego at 9:00 a.m.
Frustration gets the better of me, and I toss the phone on the bed, sitting on the edge.
The weight of my turmoil presses heavily down on me. Overcome by emotions, I close my eyes. Tears stream down my cheeks as I cry softly. It could have been him on the field. The thought debilitates me, but I can’t stop my brain from spinning scenarios that only worsen my anguish.
My mother sits next to me and takes my hand, offering me her support.
The night is already ruined, so we watch the end of the game in silence.
Mom orders room service.
My appetite is gone. I push the plate aside, but my mom says, “The first step in helping the one you love is helping yourself first. So, eat.”
I take a few bites, but the food tastes bland. Nothing is okay. Nothing will be okay until I can hug him and reassure myself that he is fine.
“Sorry for ruining our girl time,” I say meekly.
She pats my hand, smiling fondly at me. “We’ll have another one. Don’t worry. I hope this young man knows how fortunate he is to have you in his life.”
I focus back on the game, watching as the Sharks decimate their opponent. But that’s not the news. The news is that Levi is in surgery.
I try to call Ian, but I only get his voicemail, making the following hours agonizing as I toss and turn in bed with no hope of finding peace, until I see his text.
Sorry for not picking up your call. I hope you have the best time with your mom.
I immediately call him, and he answers right away.
“Shouldn’t you be asleep?” He tries for levity, but his labored breathing betrays him.
“Ian…” My voice cracks.
“It’s bad. I don’t fucking know what to do.”
My heart shatters, breaking into a hundred pieces for him.
“Let it all out. I’m here, baby. Always.” The words rush out of me, resounding with unalterable truth.
The moment I land,I rush out of the airport.
The Uber ride takes forever, and with my nerves strained, I am a wired ball of anxiety. I could throw up at any moment.
I am a jittery mess, and no breathing exercise seems to calm my anguish. I need to see Ian right now. The instant the driver pulls up to the building, I jump out of the car, hurrying inside.
