I slap a palm on his shoulder, squeezing it in support. “I am here for you.”
He doesn’t reply, and I gulp down the bitter taste of rejection. He’s grieving, he’s pumped with meds. This is not about me.
Tonight, we should have celebrated our win and their engagement. Instead, hopelessness smothers every other emotion.
Giving him some space, I roam through the hospital corridors with no direction until I find my way toward my car.
Leaning my head against the headrest, I need a few moments to compose myself. My phone vibrates in the cup holder, but I ignore it. Driving home, I drag my exhausted body and haunted spirit inside.
It was my pass that cost him his career. I go through the game a thousand times, replaying it, pausing it, thinking about how I could have stopped it. I chose him because I always pick Levi, even if I have several other options.
It’s my mistake. I failed as a captain; I failed as a best friend, and now Levi is going through his biggest loss.
My hands tremble, and tears spring in my eyes.
My fault. My fucking fault. Wouldn’t be the first time I messed up his life.
ELEVEN
LILLY
“Who is he?”my mom asks while we are getting our nails done, and I check my phone.
We’ve been at the resort and spa in Tucson, Arizona, for a few hours now, and are on our second beauty treatment after a relaxing massage.
I arch a brow, not even knowing why I prolong telling her. It’s inevitable.
“Who said anything about a he?”
She gives me anoh, pleaselook. “Only men can make us frown and smile at the same time.”
“Ian Weston,” I whisper.
Her eyes bulge out. “Does your father know?”
I feel my brows furrow. “Of course not.”
She chuckles. “I’d like to see his face. His daughter and his favorite player. Now that has a ring to it.”
I keep quiet, and she turns serious. “Your father being a football player and then a coach contributed, but it’s not the sole reason our marriage failed.” She inhales deeply. “I knew who he was. He tried his best, given the circumstances. My relationshipwith your father shouldn’t affect who you want to be with. Except maybe for his players.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I say, not hiding the sarcasm in my tone.
My mom drops the subject, quickly turning to fill me in on all her neighborhood gossip. Who knew Scottsdale was filled with such interesting characters?
Body relaxed from the massage, mani and pedi done, and face glowing, plump from the facial, we head to our hotel suite.
Every time Mom and I meet, we try to spend as much quality time together as possible, battling the constant melancholy of knowing we won’t see each other for a while. She lives in Arizona with her new husband, and I am busy with my business in San Diego. This trip is much needed, even though I miss Ian. He’s never far away from my thoughts.
Getting ready for dinner, my eyes instinctively travel to the TV screen. The game is on, and I search for Ian on the field. As if my heart is a compass, the arrow points straight toward him, finding him quickly.
“My baby is in love,” Mom says, eyes glistening.
Lying to parents never works. They instinctively know the truth, so I prefer to keep silent, trying to ignore analyzing how deep my feelings run for Ian. That territory has hazard written all over it.
“Will it ever get better?” I ask, my gaze returning to the screen to see him throwing a long pass. “I want him to always win so he’s happy. I can’t stand it when something bothers him.”
My mom sends me a look full of understanding. “Loving someone comes with wanting to make that person happy, but it’s not your responsibility.”
