Trey is sitting at the kitchen table when I walk in the back door. I’m emotionally wrung out, and what I have to do is going to tear me apart, but I care about him too much to keep this going and put him at risk.
“Hi. Late night?” he asks as I set my things down.
“Yeah, something like that. Can we talk?”
He nods. “I was hoping we could.” He stands, moving toward me.
I take a step back.
Hurt flashes across his face. “About yesterday,” he starts. “I know approaching him was wrong. You told me not to and I didn’t listen. I’m sorry, Jessie, but I see the way he affects you, and I hate it. You’re scared of him. I don’t know what he has over you, but I—”
“There is no ‘but.’ I told you to leave it alone, and you didn’t listen. You saw the consequences of pissing Daryl off last night.The worst part is, you didn’t tell me, I had to find out sitting in front of two police officers. You broke my trust, Trey.”
“I know. I’m so sorry. I never meant to, and it will never happen again.”
“You’re right, it won’t—because we’re done.” I replay Daryl’s threats to Trey’s health in my mind, praying it helps me get through this.
“I know what I said about a relationship the other night, but we can—”
“You need to leave.” I calmly cut him off.
“What?” he sounds more confused than hurt.
“You need to leave. We want different things, and we always knew this was going to end.”
“Jessie, wait. Let’s just talk about this.” He reaches for me again.
Again, I step away. Trey’s love language is physical touch. I know every time I move away from him that it only hurts him more.
It’s killing me, too.
I can see his mind working, trying to figure a way out of this. So, I make sure what I say next will end this with all certainty. I’ll never be able to take it back, and he’ll never forgive me—but that’s the point.
I steel myself, telling myself I can cry later,just get this over with.
“Getthe fuckout of my house, Trey,” I spit. “This was nothing, we are nothing. You were a good time wrapped in a cowboy package, but I am done. I’m over this, over you, and you need to leave. Get out of my house and out of my life. Go rodeo and fuck all the buckle bunnies, just leave me alone.” My heart cracks in two as the words leave my mouth. I hate them, I hate this, I hate myself. But I can’t risk his safety, nothing’s worth that.
He recoils, my words striking hard. “Y–you don’t mean that.” He swipes his fingers through his blond hair. “Why are you doing this? I know I fucked up, but I’m sorry. We can fix this, Jessie, just let me try.” He sounds broken, and I can’t stand it.
I turn away, hiding the pain I’m sure I’m hardly concealing. “We’re done, Trey. Go to the bunkhouse or go help Knox until you’re cleared to ride. I don’t give a shit, but you can’t stay here.” I don’t think I can hold back my tears much longer.
“Fuck, Jessie. Look at me.” He spins me around, cupping my face with his hands. When he sees the tears streaking down my face, he presses his forehead to mine. “Baby, please talk to me. Don’t do this. I’m so sorry, please believe me.”
I give myself ten seconds—ten more seconds to feel his hands on me, see his blue eyes look into mine, and breathe in his familiar scent.
“Please go. I need you to go.” I choke on the words but force them out. He thinks this is all because he spoke to Daryl, but it’s so much more than that. My life is a tornado, and I stand in the center of it, watching pieces of my world get sucked up and destroyed around me.
“We just need some time. We can work this out. I don’t leave for a few more days—we can talk before I go. I can’t leave like this.” His voice cracks as a single tear falls.
“Yes, you can. There is nothing left to say, just go.Please.” I pull away from him as the realization that I’m not backing down, that this is over, crosses his face.
He heaves a breath before pulling me to him one last time, kissing my forehead before releasing me. My heart nearly stops altogether when he says, “We could’ve been so much more. And I’ll always regret that we weren’t, but I’ll never regret you, Jessie Hawkins. You showed me there was more—more to life, more tolove, more to myself. And I want you to know I’m only walking out that door because you’re asking me to.”
I take another step away from him and swipe the tears away. Our eyes hold; I try to memorize his baby blues, and we must come to some kind of understanding because he nods once, grabs his keys, and walks out.
And only then do I let myself fall apart.
I was awake all night. Trey never came home.
