He leaves, and I stare at the envelope, terrified of what’s inside. Gran could always see past my bullshit—she always seemed to know and understand what I was feeling. Even if she never said a word.
I work up the courage to pick it up and move to the couch.
I wish Trey were here.
I wish I could tell him about my mom stopping by.
I’m so tired of doing everything alone, carrying all the weight by myself. I swallow the lump in my throat and break the seal. Inside, there is a single sheet of folded paper.
Tears well when I see her messy scrawl. Then fall in rapid succession as I read her last words to me.
Dear Jessie,
If you’re reading this, it means we didn’t get to say goodbye, and for that I am truly sorry. But know this: I loved you more than life itself. After I lost Edward, I didn’t see a reason to go on until the day I picked you up. You brought color back into what had become a black-and-white life, and I loved every minute I spent with you. Raising you was the greatest joy of my life, and I am so proud to be your grandmother.
I’ve watched you struggle with the demons of your past for years. It breaks my heart I didn’t step in sooner and save you from the monsters that now haunt you. But always remember how strong you are, Jessie girl. You built a beautiful life for yourself and a family with the Harts. Lean intothat family now, and while I know you will miss me, remember how much I loved you. I’m with Edward now, and I’ve missed him terribly.
If I could offer you one last piece of advice, it’s this: Live for yourself. Don’t let anyone else’s opinions, thoughts, or fears control you. Travel, change jobs, have kids, don’t have kids—hell, join a nudist colony for all I care—but at the end of this life, have no regrets. Live your life, chase your dreams, andlove, baby girl. Find that great love like I found in Edward. You are worthy of love and have so much love to give in return. Don’t miss out on that part of life. Your grandfather and I will be cheering you on, waiting for the day we see you again.
All my love,
Gran
I don’t try to hold back my sobs as I read it again and again. It’s like she knew the exact words I would need to hear at this moment.
She’s right. I’ve spent my entire adult life living for everyone but me. I’m proud and grateful that I was able to care for her—I’ll never regret that—but I let this town, my father, and the opinions of others control of my life. That ends now.
I don’t want to work at the ER anymore. Maybe I’ll go back to nursing someday, but right now I need a break. I can’t handle being in the same room where I lost her, and I don’t have to. Cody is handling her estate, so I don’t have to cover extra bills while things get sorted.
I can do whatever I want with my life.
Most of all, I want Trey. I think I found that great love without even looking. He’s that great love for me.
My heart pounds at my revelation. Standing from the couch, I dry my tears, fold the letter, and place it back in the envelope. A plan settles into my mind. I take a quick shower, rinsing off the days of grief before I make the call.
“Hello?”
“Can we talk? I have something to tell you.”
Then, for the first time in my life, I look in the mirror and see more than Daryl Hawkins’s daughter.
Chapter 43
Jessie
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Carson asks for the second time as I park at the county sheriff’s office.
I switch my phone to the other ear and grab my purse. “I’ll be fine. I’m just going to tell them what he’s done over the last few years, answer their questions, and leave.”
“You packed a bag to come stay at the ranch, right?”
“Yes, Carson.”
“Alright, let me know when you’re headed this way.”
“I will. Bye.”
Between my mother showing up on my doorstep, telling me she was working with the police, to Gran’s letter, I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was. I called Carson and told him what I was thinking, and he immediately agreed.
