But she’s already talking again, turning me toward the mirror, adjusting the straps, planning aloud.
“This dress would be perfect for an elegant, classic wedding,” she says. “Like Old Hollywood glam. You’re as beautiful as Marilyn Monroe.”
I tell myself to take a breath. Keep smiling. Keep pretending. I knew this was going to be hard, but I didn’t imagine I’d feel so awful when faced with Mom’s giddiness.
“Um… I’m not sure this is the one,” I manage to choke out.
“That’s okay! We’ll figure it out. This is your moment, sweetheart. Your chance to have everything you deserve.”
Everything I deserve.
The words twist in my gut like a knife.
I don’t deserve any of this. I’m a shitty daughter, lying to my mother’s face. A shitty fake fiancee, and I was the shittiest sister ever…
My stomach twists and I quickly divert my thoughts. I don’t want to risk bringing up Colson’s name around Mom.
I manage to get us out of the dress shop after a few more try-ons, insisting I just need more time to think about the wedding as a whole before I make a decision. I can tell Mom’s disappointed, but she quickly shakes it off since there’s so many other details for her to focus on. We end the afternoon at a café, shopping bags piled around us. My mom is still glowing, flipping through her phone, showing me venue photos she’s saved.
“So tell me,” she says, stirring her tea. “When you picture the ceremony, what do you see?”
My throat closes. I stare at her and I have no idea what to say.
“I…um…” My voice wavers, and I take a sip of water to cover it. “I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Well, start thinking,” she says warmly, touching my hand. “This is the good part. The fun part. You’re marrying a wonderful man, Sutton. I can tell he adores you.”
My chest aches. My smile hurts.
Whether Jayce likes me or not isn’t the point, and she can’t know that from the few seconds she interacted with him this morning. She’s projecting what she wants onto the situation, because as overbearing as she can be, I know she ultimately wants me to be happy and cared for.
If only we could see eye-to-eye on what that means. None of this would be happening right now.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I know.”
The guilt is suffocating at this point, and I don’t know how long I can last before it chokes the life right out of me.
CHAPTER TWENTY: FINDING STILLNESS
JAYCE
After winning our game,the guys wanted to go out in downtown Houston to celebrate, but I decided to use the family jet to fly back to Denver right away. The whole game, I wasn’t able to fully focus because I had a disconcerting feeling deep in my stomach about Sutton. I nearly ran out of the locker room after, determined to get home. When I left Sutton and her mom this morning, I told myself they’d be fine together for one night. Now, I can’t shake this gnawing feeling that I need to get back to her. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Sutton trapped with her mother and her lofty expectations. Knowing how she bends over backwards to please her, I can only imagine how much she’s struggling.
It’s past seven by the time I pull into the parking garage. I’m praying that Mrs. Holloway has left for the night. Gone back to her hotel and left Sutton alone.
The guys have been texting me, checking in to make sure all is well.
Wilder: Yo, Jayce. You home yet?
Jayce: Just got to the building.
Jensen: How’s Sutton?
Jayce: Not sure yet. Still in the parking garage.
Zander: If you need to, call Rylee. She’ll go over, no questions asked.
While I appreciate the offer and the knowledge that our friends will jump to help Sutton at a moment’s notice, if she needs to be taken care of, I’m the one who will do it.
