“It’s about your Shadows. About what happened earlier.”
Great. As if this conversation could get any worse. “Okay,” he said again.
“I think….” She frowned. “Actually, it’s easier to show you.” She stepped closer. “Can you weave a Shadow, please?”
He started to shake his head. The last thing he wanted to do was demonstrate how fractured his Shadows were.
“Please, James.” Her request was quiet but determined.
Damn. Even now. Even after everything. He couldn’t refuse her.
He held out his hand and flicked his fingers, drawing the Shadows from the air and pooling them in his hand. Then with a turn of his wrist, he bound them together, focusing every part of himself on creating something that didn’t look repulsive. Something that wouldn’t remind her of all the reasons she had to stay away. He spun his hand and started to form a kitten, tail curled, whiskers twitching. A ball of string just waiting to be pounced on. Riley would love a pet, an animal to adore.
Pain stabbed behind his eye.
In his mind, a Shadow puppet grew in a hospital doorway—a corrupted mockery of every tiny Shadow figure he had laughed over with his triad. The memory was vague. Dark and twisting. But so full of evil. And it was all him. All because of him. Shame and self-hatred surged through him.
His breath caught in his lungs. His hands shook, and cold sweat trickled down his side. The tiny cat sagged and then crumpled, twisting and deforming even as he fought to hold it steady.
His eyes flicked to Riley, already knowing what he would see. Shock. Disgust. All the reasons she didn’t want his love. If she ever had.
He couldn’t do it. He closed his hand over the broken Shadows, crushing them to nothing, and flung the wisps far away.
“That didn’t work,” Riley murmured half to herself. “I don’t understand.” She took a step closer, gesturing toward his clenched fists. “Could you make something simple? Like a ball?”
“I don’t want to.” The words sounded petulant, even to him.
Before he could say anything even more stupid, he opened his hand and tried again. Finding the Shadows, feeling for them, pulling them together, wrapping them….
A Shadow fireball exploded out of his hands, straight for Ethan. No, Kay. Kay was down. Her Shadows pulsed, fought for one heartrending moment, and then shattered. His friend, God. His best friend and she was—
“James!”
He flung the misshapen ball of Shadow away and wiped his damp palms down his jeans. “I’m sorry, Riley, I can’t do it.”
“No. That’s…. No. That doesn’t work. Okay.” Riley nodded to herself. “But when you were recovering from the poison, your Shadows were fine. And last night, I felt them. It doesn’t make sense.”
James shrugged. He didn’t want to argue anymore, but it didn’t change that she was wrong. “You just didn’t see them in the dark.” He’d made sure of it. “They’re always like this.”
Riley blinked slowly. “They’re fine when you’re concentrating on me.” She bit her lip, just for a moment. And then she leaned down, and before he completely understood what was happening, she kissed him.
Her mouth closed over his, and he was lost. All thoughts—of Shadows, of Gordon, of his many regrets—disappeared.
He could forget that he’d told her he loved her and she hadn’t wanted to talk about it. It didn’t matter that the last time they touched, she’d pushed him away. He didn’t have to think about the look on her face when she saw his Shadows. Or how she’d believed that he could betray her. He could ignore the multitude of warning bells thundering in his mind.
Riley was here.Shewas kissinghim. She wasn’t saying no. She wasn’t walking away. He closed his eyes and let himself drown in her. In the smooth glide of her tongue, the softness of her lips.
He dropped his hands to her hips and pulled her to stand between his legs. God. He’d never dreamed that would be possible again. She was touching him. He was touching her. Her Shadows stroked up his back, and he tightened his grip, hauling her even closer.
He didn’t know what had happened to make her kiss him. He didn’t know when she was going to change her mind. But for this moment, she was his again, and he wasn’t going to waste a second of it.
His Shadows slid and danced over her skin, along her arms, up her legs, over her hips, and he didn’t even think about them. All he thought about was wrapping himself around every part of her. Holding her as close to him as he could. Feeling that tiny glimmering spark of hope. But then her lips left his, and she pulled away.
He wanted to pretend she wasn’t leaving. Pretend they could stay that way forever. But she didn’t let him. “Open your eyes, James, and look.”
It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he couldn’t deny her. If this was what she wanted, he would give it to her. God, she was beautiful. Her auburn hair fell in loose curls, and her eyes were utterly focused on him. All he wanted was for her to smile at him like she used to.
“Don’t look at me. Look at your Shadows,” she murmured.
