No, that wasn’t true. He had the desire. But he wasn’t going to disturbherfor any reason.
The door into the living room was closed, but it swung open smoothly under his hand as he slipped through it. He vaguely remembered seeing an open door past the overly stuffed couches and low coffee table, leading to a dated eighties-style, oak-filled kitchen.
Surely there would be a kettle and some bread. All he needed was coffee and a sandwich, then he could plan. And then maybe, just maybe, get some rest.
He chuckled tiredly. He didn’t even know what decent rest looked like anymore. And he’d reached the point where having entire conversations with himself was completely normal.
He crept forward through the dark living room, wary of bumping into things in the gloom. Once he was in the kitchen, he could close the door and turn on a light that wouldn’t rouse the others.
But before he got there, a soft intake of breath stopped him. His attention flew to a large armchair angled toward the window. Hidden in the shadows was a silhouetted shape.
His Shadows were out, flying before he even thought to stop them, and just as quickly, he knew exactly who it was. Riley.
If she hadn’t taken that loud breath, he would have missed her. She was sitting with her legs bent, arms clasped around her shins, leaning into the armchair, concealed by its large back and the darkness.
He could imagine that she’d been looking out the window at the clouds that scudded through the sky. Or perhaps at the tiny garden. He glanced out to see a wash of silver moonlight falling over roses and lavender. Of course. She’d always loved growing things. Living things. God. He should have given her flowers before it was too late.
There were so many things he wished he’d done.
He stepped back, ready to flee and leave her to the garden view and the moonlight. But before he could, she unfolded her legs and pushed herself up to stand.
The T-shirt she was wearing was just long enough to flirt with the tops of her thighs, and he had to drag his eyes away. He didn’t need to look. He remembered her skin like it was etched into his brain.
He’d lost so much. So many days were shrouded in darkness and mist. But not the days he spent with her.Thosememories were clear.
The smooth firmness of her flesh. The little moans she made, breathy and soft when he scraped his teeth down the arch of her neck. The way his hands tangled in the silky weight of her hair. Her laugh—bright and vibrant and full of joy—the sound of hope.
But even more than all of that, he remembered the moment his Shadows touched hers for the first time.
He’d been introduced to her when she first arrived, and he’d had to work hard not to stare at her. Not to find reasons to get close to her. To touch her. To drown in her.
She was so far above him, it wasn’t even funny.
She was a talented Healer. Kind and thoughtful and a little geeky. Always smiling. He didn’t need to touch her to know that he would want more than just one night.
He’d forced himself away. Wanting more was dangerous. Especially when anyone with eyes could see that she was far too good for him. But it hadn’t stopped him from dreaming of her, night after night. And it hadn’t stopped him from wanting to be better. To be good enough.
When Gordon offered him the chance to work for the Council, take a senior role in Oracle, and help him take over as Archdderwydd, it seemed like that dream could come true.
Finally, he could prove himself to his uncle—to his entire family—as well as to his triad. Finally, he would be more than the boy no one had wanted, or the joker who got by on his grin. And, most importantly, he would finally feel worthy of a woman like Riley.
He’d doubled his hours. Setting up Oracle. Meeting with the Council. And still fulfilling all his Guardian duties. He’d been tired, but he stepped up his training, too. Working hard to be the best Guardian he could be. It was inevitable that he’d take a fist to the eye eventually.
And it was more than inevitable that they would touch.
Riley had put her hand on his face, and, for the first time in his life, everything made sense. For the first time in his life, he thought he had a chance to have everything he’d ever wanted.
Their skin touched, and her Shadows poured over him, soaring into life. They were a startling jade. Luminous, like sea glass, and glowing with inner light. And his own Shadows had responded, shot through with sky-blue, whirling through him and around him in a tempest of need. Reaching out toward Riley.
He’d wanted her with an instant, overwhelming ache. All his scorching fantasies brought to life. And beneath that searing need was the feeling of safety. Of home. It was knowing that he would be wanted and valued. Loved.
It was everything.
And he’d lost it.
“Riley.” His voice rasped, grating in the silence.
“James.” Her tone was cool, unaffected even. But she’d acknowledged him, and now he couldn’t help moving closer. Drawn toward her.
