The silence stretched while she tried to find a sensible answer. But before she could, Kay took pity on her and changed the subject. “I wish we’d gotten to know each other better when you joined the Circle,” Kay said. “I would have liked to become friends before all of this.”
That hit Riley right in the tender part of her heart. She would also have liked to become friends. Now that she could see past Gordon’s lies to the truth of their relationship, she could see how much like siblings James and Kay were. How much they valued each other. She would have given anything to have that kind of friendship.
But she couldn’t let Kay blame herself for them never getting closer. Riley had been totally consumed by James, so she’d blown off a lot of invitations. Which was totally on her. “We were both working hard,” Riley admitted. “And we did hang out together a few times.”
“Yeah, but not enough. I should have realized about you and James,” Kay replied. “I should have paid better attention. And—” She looked Riley in the eye. “—I would still like to be friends, if it’s not too late.” Kay’s gaze traveled to Emma. “All three of us.”
“I’d like that too,” Emma agreed. “I’ve never really been in a place where I could have a group of girlfriends before.”
“Me neither,” Kay and Riley admitted at the same time before chuckling at each other.
God. It was the last thing she’d expected. If anything, she’d thought Kay and Emma would be less likely to want to spend time with her now that she and James were… over. They wereover.
It was something that had worried her from the beginning.
Her laughter faded, and she rubbed at the stabbing pain in her chest, hoping the others couldn’t see how affected she was. “You don’t mind about me and James?” she asked quietly.
“We can be friends, whatever happens between you,” Kay was quick to reassure her. “But I won’t pretend that I’m not going to argue his case now and then. James fucked up, I know that, but I genuinely believe he cares for you.”
Riley grunted, his horrified expression still playing through her mind.
“Why did you keep your relationship a secret?” Kay asked after a moment. “I mean, I get why James wanted to hide it from his insane uncle—" She looked guiltily over at Emma. “Sorry.”
Emma didn’t seem bothered. “Heisinsane.”
Kay nodded her agreement before turning back to Riley. “But it doesn’t make that much sense from your side.”
Why had she?
It was easy to blame James. And with another stab of discomfort, she realized she had blamed him entirely. But the truth was, she could have told everyone any time she wanted.
“I guess, it was exhilarating,” Riley admitted. “Thrilling. It was exciting to sneak around. And I liked having all his attention.” Watching each other over the kitchen table, no one noticing that their feet were tangled together. The way his gaze would heat when she moved, tracking her across the room. His hand sliding over hers when she passed him something. The heat building and building until it was an inferno inside her. Until James went over the edge. And then, he would find her.
He would stride into her tiny clinic room, slowly lock the door, and then fling her breathlessly against the wall, devouring her as if he couldn’t get enough. As if he’dneverget enough.
She shook her head, trying to clear it. Trying to think. Because, now that she was really remembering, she also had to admit that he'd even suggested telling his triad. They’d been lying together, catching their breath, their sweat still drying on their overheated bodies, and he asked her if she was tired of hiding. He’d wanted to tell Kay and Zach… but she’d answered honestly that she liked the secrecy.
She’d been happy with what they were doing. She liked not having to share him or his attention. For once in her life, shefitted. James was focused on her, and she was consumed by him. She’d been afraid of what would happen when that ended. When the bubble burst and they had to go back to the real world.
James was part of the London Circle in a way that would take years for her to achieve. If something went wrong between them, the fallout would have been far worse for her. His life would have carried on as it always had—a life she’d genuinely believed consisted of charming his way through multiple pairs of panties while enjoying almost zero responsibility—but she would remain the outsider.
She’d worked so hard to finally have a place that was hers, for this chance to be everything she’d always dreamed, and she had been too scared to risk it.
In hindsight, she hadn’t trusted their partnership enough. Hadn’t trustedhimenough. And then after she’d spoken to Gordon, she’d believed the worst of him.
“I’d never had a relationship like that before,” she explained quietly.
Hot and hard and all-encompassing. Blazing like a shooting star. And, of course, it had disintegrated on impact. Just like she’d been terrified it would all along.
“Nor had James,” Kay said quietly.
Riley snorted in disbelief. It hadn’t taken long for her to start hearing the stories of James and his many hookups. She’d hoped she was different. And she’d wanted him so much. She’d wished he could want her in the same way. Deeply. Permanently.Enough.
But given how desperate he was to get away from her, that wish had never come true.
“No.” Kay’s reply was emphatic. “He had one-night stands, but he never had relationships. Ever. Until you.” She reached over and took one of Riley’s hands in hers. “Did he tell you about his parents?”
“He said they’re divorced.”
