How many times had she heard similar words? How many times had she told them to herself? She wasn’t part of this world or any other world. She wasn’t part of the Dru-vid and she wasn’t one of the Duine.
She’d kept herself apart. And alone. And it was Zach who had helped her see that shewaspart of it—part of both. Part of anything she wanted to be. Not because of her Shadows but because of her. Because she was good enough exactly as she was.
Maybe in the past, she would have accepted that she had no role to play. But now she understood how much she’d held herself back. Now she understood that she had done the bullies’ work for them. And she was done with hiding.
Her eyes burned with the tears that she held in. Zach’s jaw clenched tight in his pinched face, and she knew he was terrified of losing her. He cared for her as much as she cared for him. But if it meant they could finally stop Gordon, she had to take the chance. How could she live with herself if Zach or his triad—his true family—got hurt while she was cowering somewhere far away?
“I have to do this,” she whispered, looking up at him.
“Other people can do it,” Zach argued. “More experienced Dru-vid can help now. We know where Gordon is going to be. You’ve done enough.”
“It’s not enough. We have to stop him before he gets to Westminster.” Emma swallowed against the tension in her throat. Zach wanted her to be safe, but she needed him to support her. She needed him to believe in her.
“Please, Emma, love.” Zach dropped his voice until only she could hear him. “You promised.”
She shook her head. She’d never promised that she wouldn’t help. She’d never promised to hide away while others risked themselves. “You won’t lose me, Zach. You can help me. We can do this together. I promised to let you protect me and you can. I also promised to protectyou. Let me stand beside you now.”
He shook his head, his eyes dark and flat. “I can’t help you to go to Gordon. I can’t put you in his path. I won’t do it.”
She stood slowly, facing him. “He’s my father. I’m responsible. And I want to do this.”
“You’re not responsible, Emma.” Zach was so close, their chests almost touching, but he didn’t reach out for her. “I can’t support this. It’s far too dangerous.”
God. “Please, Zach—”
He shook his head helplessly. “I won’t stand and watch you do this. I can’t. If you walk away now, Emma, if you break your promise, then we’re done.” Zach’s tone was bleak and miserable, and utterly unyielding.
She put her hand on his arm, trying to reach him, but he didn’t move other than to tighten his fists until she could feel his bicep moving under her palm. “Please, Zach.”
His voice broke as he replied, “Don’t ask me to watch you put yourself in danger like this. You know what it means to me.”
Emma let her head drop forward. Let the full weight of the decision fall onto her shoulders. Should she stay with Zach and let him smother her in safety? Or should she face her father, the man who’d terrified her, alone?
Should she stand up for what she believed in, or let other more qualified people fight for her? People who could never get close to Gordon. People who hadn’t made any progress at all without her. People who would get hurt—or worse—if Gordon took the power he wanted. Should she let Zach hide her away, or should she fight to keep him and his family safe? Where should she draw her line in the sand?
Zach had refused to support her in this, but she was used to being alone. She could do what she’d always done. Put her head down and work through her pain. In the end, if Zach and the people he loved were safe, then it would have been worth it.
She lifted her head and turned to Riley. “Please can I have Gordon’s number?”
Zach flinched and she felt it like a stab wound through her heart. Riley sent the contact and Emma’s phone pinged in the heavy silence. God.
“Don’t do this, Emma.” It was as near to begging as she could imagine Zach would ever get.
“I have to,” Emma whispered.
Zach took a step back, away from her, and Emma dropped her hand, letting it fall into the vast chasm between them. The ache in her chest spread down her arms and up her throat, choking her. But she didn’t try to fight it. She simply let the pain spread. This was her choice, and she knew it was the right one.
“Zach—” Emma started, but he shook his head and took another step back as if he didn’t want to hear anything she might say. The look on his face was its own kind of torture.
“Goodbye, Emma.” Zach turned and strode out of the room. His footsteps marched down the hall, then a door opened and slammed, and he was gone.
No one looked at her. She stood surrounded by people who could have been her friends. Who might have one day been her family too. And now never would.
Her Shadows swarmed brokenly, reaching for Zach, but he was gone. She couldn’t stay. She had to get away. She was doing the right thing, but she couldn’t do it here. She focused her blurry gaze on Kay. “Can you take me to the station?”
Kay’s face was pale as she shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I need some—” Emma choked on the words, but then she lifted her chin and tried again. “I need some space.”
