Riley scrunched her hands through her hair, voice rising. “I’ve been looking for James! I’ve been terrified! And he’s here. He’s….” Riley narrowed her eyes at Kay. “He’s with you. Gordon said—”
Kay lifted her hands, drawing her Shadow blades together with a rush of gleaming midnight-blue darkness. “You’ve been talking to Gordon.”
“No!” James threw himself between them. “Please, Kay!”
He turned to Riley, his fear for her, his shock at seeing her, and the overwhelming tide of uncontrolled emotions pouring through him almost pushing him past any kind of reason as the words fell out of him with strangled fury. “What the hell did you speak to Gordon for?”
“What the hell—” Riley sputtered. Her cheeks flushed, her green eyes gleamed with tears and rage, and all he could think was how beautiful she was.
Kay took a threatening step toward Riley and James flung his hands up, drawing together a distorted shield. “She’s not working with him! I promise.”
Kay slowly dropped her blades, a look of concerned understanding crossing her face. “What’s happening, James?”
Fuck. He’d never told anyone about Riley. At the time, half his life had been secrets and lies. He’d convinced himself he was protecting everyone. But now? Now he didn’t know anything.
When he didn’t answer, Kay focused on Riley. “Why did you contact Gordon?”
“I didn’t know where James was. No one would tell me anything,” Riley replied. She turned to face him. “You left without even saying goodbye, and then you never answered any of my calls. David wouldn’t help me. He said you’d been in an accident, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was. I’m the most senior Healer in London and he wouldn’t tell me anything. What did you think I would do?”
She would phone Gordon. Of course. Because James had told her he was working with Gordon.
But now Riley was in danger.
“What exactly did Gordon say to you, Riley?” Kay asked.
Riley let out a shuddering breath. “He said that you and James were together in Wales… and here you are. Together.”
That was exactly the sort of thing that Gordon would do. He would have known immediately that James would only give that private number to someone he cared for. Telling Riley that James had betrayed her would hurt her, and her hurt was a weapon against James.
James folded his arms over his chest and fought to keep himself upright. He knew Riley would be hurt, but he never expected this. Somehow, he’d hoped that at least she’d be safe. That maybe, one day, he could explain everything to her and see if there was any chance for them.
The front door opened and Ethan stepped out, his gaze going straight to Kay. As if he’d known something was wrong. Perhaps he had.
“Ethan,” Kay whispered, relief threading through her voice as she crossed to him. Ethan immediately wrapped his arms around her, and they turned to face Riley together.
Riley looked between them all, a confused frown settling over her forehead as she tucked her curly auburn hair behind her ears. “I don’t understand.”
Kay leaned into Ethan as she answered. “It’s a long story, Riley, and I think you’ve only been told a tiny part. The part that makes James look bad. But it’s not what you think. Please come inside, and let’s talk through it all.”
James looked down at the stony ground. He didn’tlookbad, he was utterly in the wrong. He opened his mouth to say something, but Riley beat him to it.
She turned to look at him, her jade-green eyes searching his. “Tell me what happened, James. Tell me that you didn’t lie to me. Tell me that you didn’t use me and then leave me.”
James looked at Riley for a long moment. This was his only chance to memorize her. He’d tried during the days before it all went to hell. He’d held her as close as he could and tried to soak her in. But his memory was shot to pieces, and now…. Now he had no way to know how long he had left.
His Shadows swirled forward, trying to reach for her. He had always held them back, never allowing them to fully bond when they were together. It had seemed dangerous to join too deeply while he was working with blood Shadows. Gordon had always brushed off any concerns, but he’d seen how careful his uncle was about touching them. And he’d thought that when it was all over, he could be free of them. When he stood beside Gordon as one of the most powerful men in the Order, then it would be the right time to offer her everything.
Now their Shadows would never bind together. The few short months they had together—months when he’d made her sneak around and hide what they were to each other—those were all they would ever have. The thought was yet another bleeding wound on his soul.
Riley was everything he’d ever wanted. But he couldn’t risk her. He couldn’t be with her. He had to kill Gordon. It was a mission he was very unlikely to come back from, and nothing could induce him to involve Riley in it. Gordon already suspected that he cared for her, if he knew how much, Gordon would use it as a weapon against them both.
He had to end whatever was left between them. And he had to be honest. He was never going to lie to her, or any of the people he loved, ever again.
He shook his head slowly. “I’m sorry, Riley. More sorry than I can tell you, but I did lie to you. I broke up Kay’s relationship with Ethan and planned to marry her. I never used you. Never. I had reasons…. They seemed good, at the time.” He swallowed heavily, forcing away the words that wanted to rise. Explanations. Excuses. Pleas that she could ever forgive him. It was too late for that. “I did walk away from you, and I’m walking away again. The only difference is that this time I can say goodbye.”
Riley flinched as if he’d struck her. Her eyes were wide and horrified, gleaming wetly. But all he could think of was how beautiful she was. How strong she was. How she had the kindest, warmest heart of anyone he had ever met in his life. One day she would meet someone who deserved her. But it would never be him.
James let himself look at her one last time. And then he said the words he should have said weeks before. “The time we had together….” He cleared his throat and tried again. “I’ll never forget it. Goodbye, Riley.”
