She looked away as she admitted the worst of it. “My Shadows were broken. Disgusting. Worse even than being Shadow stripped because everyone could see how awful they looked—except me. I’ve never seen them and I’ve never had another vision. I get headaches, pain behind my eye, but I don’t know whether they might have been a vision. If I touch people, I get flashes of their life, their feelings, perhaps their future, but it’s always too distorted and overwhelming to understand.”
Zach let out a breath. His jaw was clenched so tight that she could see the muscles jump, even in the dim light. “You’re a touch-Seer. That’s so rare.”
Emma tightened her grip around her knees. “What’s a touch-Seer?”
“You don’t know?” Zach asked in a harsh voice. Anger played across his face, and she wondered how he could possibly blame her. But then, she didn’t understand how he could have done any of the things he’d done.
Emma sighed, letting her head rest on her knees. The worst of the pain was over, but her body still ached. And the pain in her heart was even worse. She needed to tell him what he wanted to know so he could go.
“My father never came again,” she explained. “I wasn’t allowed in any of the classes, and I wasn’t welcome in any of the Circles—working with Shadows is for Shadow Weavers. As soon as I could, I left. I traveled as far as the railcard I had allowed, and then I walked into the brasserie near the station and asked for a job. The best they could do was dishwasher. I lived in a youth hostel while I worked every shift I could until I could join a bakery as an apprentice. It took me years to save up enough to come back here and buy this shop. I hardly think you can blame me for not knowing all the Order’s secrets.”
Zach’s face was even more haggard than it had been outside her door, his eyes dark with contained emotion. “A touch-Seer can pick up thoughts and feelings, sometimes even See the past or future, when they touch someone else,” he explained.
That made a cruel kind of sense. But, in the end, it didn’t make any difference to her. She shrugged as if it didn’t still hurt. As if the entire morning hadn’t hauled her through every kind of pain already. “I don’t know why I had such a bad episode today.”
He lowered his voice to a whisper. “I think I can explain what happened today.”
Emma lifted her chin and met his gaze as Zach continued. “My Shadows joined with yours. It boosted the vision. Even though it didn’t quite work, it magnified it.”
“Why? Why would that happen?” She could feel the heaviness of the answer that was coming. And somehow, she knew that it was going to be even worse than what she’d already learned. Somehow, she knew that this was the abyss she’d feared.
Zach let his head fall back against her desk, avoiding her eyes once more. He didn’t want to tell her. For a long moment, she didn’t think he would. “Because,” he finally said, lowering his eyes to meet hers, “our Shadows recognized each other. They chose each other.”
God. She knew of it happening in theory, but she’d never met any couples whose Shadows had claimed each other. She had never—even in her nightmares—considered that it might happen for her and she wouldn’t even know. Or, even worse, that the person her Shadows chose would utterly reject her.
Zach had known. He’d known who she was to him. Or rather, who she could be. He’d known of the vast potential they shared. Potential for love, joy, and a life together. He had known, and then he’d ignored their past, dismissed their future, and lied to her anyway.
It was crushing to realize how little their childhood friendship had meant. To realize how little he thought of her. And it was even worse to realize that he had known this huge, important part of her and hadn’t ever planned to tell her.
He would have let her live her entire life unaware that her Shadows had already chosen their perfect match. He would have disregarded his own Shadows and gladly walked away, leaving her with a memory of a man named Nathan.
She dreaded his answer, but she had to ask. “When did you realize?”
Zach lifted a hand to close around the back of his neck, but his eyes never left hers. “When I shook your hand.”
Hell. The stunned horror on his face as he pulled his hand back hadn’t been because of the way she’d clung to him. That had been Zach realizing that his Shadows had chosen her.
Emma pushed herself up to standing, letting one hand rest against the wall for balance. Reassurance too. These were her walls. Real and solid. They’d protected her before, and they would again. “I’d like you to go now.”
Zach stood, unfurling himself slowly as if he ached as much as she did. He didn’t argue. He didn’t try to defend himself or fight to stay in any way. As much as he tried to hide it behind his grim frown and carefully blank face, she could see the misery in his eyes. But it was misery she couldn’t trust.
He reached out a hand as if to caress her face but stopped in midair and she leaned back, out of reach. He dropped his hand. “I’m so very sorry.”
Hewassorry. She could hear the sincerity in his voice. But it wasn’t enough. She wanted him to go. To give her the space she needed to pull herself back together. She’d cried enough and she couldn’t bear to show him any more of her pain. She cleared her throat. “Please leave.”
“Okay.” Zach nodded slowly. “Whatever you need.” He turned and let himself out of her office and she watched him walk away. His long strides seemed somehow heavier than before and his head hung as if he carried all the weight in the universe on his shoulders. It hurt to watch him leave, but she didn’t call him back. That would hurt more.
She followed him out into the bakery, standing beside the pastry counter, one hand resting on its cold surface. Everything was cold, especially her, but she needed to see him leave.
Zach pulled open the door and the bell tinkled, its cheerful sound discordant against the grief and loss that filled her. He stepped outside, then turned to face her just outside the door. “Lock up behind me.”
She frowned at him. Who was he to tell her what to do in her own bakery?
“Please, Emma. I need you to be safe.”
“Why do you care?”
“I—” He didn’t finish, just stared at her in silence as her heart thudded in her chest. God. Was she really going to put herself at risk to prove a point? She sighed, then closed the door between them and turned the lock, watching him through the glass.
