ChapterOne
Swanage,Dorset
Emma carefully lowered the last tray of fresh-baked date muffins into the display case. She stood slowly, back aching, and then stretched, rolling her shoulders to ease the tension in her neck. It was only midmorning, but she’d already been working for hours on top of yet another night of broken sleep and awful dreams.
Whatever was happening, it wasn’t good. She had lost count of how many times she’d woken with her throat raw and her face wet with tears, and then spent the next day followed by a sense of dread that she couldn’t shake. Not that she could remember any of the vague, amorphous nightmares that chased her from her sleep again and again. Only the disquiet stayed with her.
Emma blinked against the remaining prickle of pain behind her left eye, and breathed slowly out, counting to three as her mother taught her years ago. The prickle never came to anything—only pain—and she knew it never would.
Many years had passed since she’d accepted the truth. She would never be a Seer. She’d tried again and again, stretching out with her mind, reaching past her wavering sight, past the agony behind her eye, trying to take hold of the images she knew were there. But she never succeeded. All she ever saw was a mirage. Vague shapes that hovered at the corners of her eyes too far away to touch. And afterward came the blinding migraines and a profound sense of loss.
Thankfully the stabbing headache and disorienting flickers of the previous night had settled. All she needed now was to throw off the feeling that something terrible was happening. In some ways, that was the hardest thing.
These were the days when she really missed her mama. When things had been bad, Abigail would laugh. She would accuse Emma of having a face like a wet week and then tickle her until she smiled again. Or she’d pack the car and take them down to the beach, letting the wind and sea wash their worries away. And, more often than not, they would take Zach and his mother, Elen, with them.
Emma eased her neck from side to side, blinking against the rush of memories of the days when the sun seemed to shine forever. When she and Zach had beaten dragons and slain monsters, both of them knights and warriors, together.
What was Zach doing now? Was he still in Wales, living in a little village? Or had he moved somewhere more glamorous? Did he still throw his head back and laugh with such glee? Did he fling himself into the water, splashing out toward the big waves, surfboard under his arm as he’d always planned? Did he have a wife? Children? Did he take them down to the local beach and watch them jumping in the waves, as they had done together so long ago?
Emma rubbed the ache in her chest. Of course he did. He would be a Shadow Weaver now. A Guardian like he’d hoped. He would be handsome and kind and surrounded by friends, working his way through the Order. He would have found someone long ago.
Whereas she…. Well, she certainly couldn’t go back to the Order. She wouldn’t be welcome in any of the Circles.
And why on earth was she thinking of him now?
Something about the terror of her dreams had unsettled her more than she’d realized, enough that she was thinking of her mother and Zach. The two people who meant everything to her as a child. Two people who she would never see again.
She’d written to Zach for months after her father sent her away to boarding school, but his replies had grown fewer and slower until they stopped entirely. Eventually, she’d accepted that their friendship was over. When her Shadows came in—and her whole world was ripped apart again—she’d been glad he wasn’t there to see what became of her. In her memory, he still smiled and laughed and liked her as she was.
Emma groaned. Damn, she was maudlin today.
“Hey, hon. You okay?” Becky nudged her with her elbow, breaking into her thoughts.
Emma tucked her hands into her pockets, careful not to touch the other woman. She liked Becky a lot, and she was grateful that when she’d finally been able to afford a full-time assistant manager, Becky had been one of the first to apply. Becky was efficient, an excellent baker, and honestly, just nice. In a different world, Emma would have loved to have become real friends.
She relaxed her shoulders and made herself smile reassuringly. “I’m okay.”
It was the truth. She was used to living with pain. And having Becky to laugh with and work beside—that was good. Her bakery, the help she could finally afford, living near the sea again. All of those were good.
And her nightmares were just dreams.
ChapterTwo
Wales
Zach dropped his head to the table and closed his eyes. This was exhaustion. Soul-deep, bone-crushing exhaustion.
For a few moments, Bryn’s isolated cottage in the middle of the Brecon Beacons was silent. Bryn was out helping one of the local Circle members, Kay and Ethan had gone to check on Elizabeth, and James was finally quiet.
Three days of repeated Healings, followed by another three days of screaming. And now… peace. Well, not exactly peace. The quiet was almost as terrifying as the screaming.
Zach had been to check on James multiple times. And every time he made his way up the stairs and stood outside James’s door, his throat tightened and his hands shook. He had to force himself to keep breathing. Promise himself that it would be okay. James was not Zach’s sister, Laura. James was alive. Zach was not going to open the door and find him…. He shook the thought away.
When James had first woken, he’d managed to take a few shaky sips of water, then he’d clumsily set the cup back down, made brief eye contact, and whispered, “Tell her I’m—” before his voice faded and he sank back into a fitful sleep.
The words still played in Zach’s brain, over and over. Tell who? Kay… or someone else? Tell her what? That James was sorry? Tell her that he hadn’t done it on purpose? That the burning ball of blood Shadows he’d hurled at her was an accident. Fuck. The image of Kay collapsing, her Shadows spinning out as she fell, was yet another trauma that was burned into Zach’s brain. A trauma that James was responsible for.
Kay wanted to believe that James had been manipulated, hypnotized even. She insisted that James hadn’t been trying to frame Zach. That he’d been trying to protect them both. But Kay was loyal to a fault and she couldn’t accept that her best friend would have chosen to hurt her. So now it was up to Zach to assess the risks. As usual.
