‘Good. I was worrying that I had the wrong Rosy in the car – you’ve been quiet for a whole minute and a half. I wasn’t sure who this quiet, acquiescent, pleasant soul in my car was. It did occur to me that your recent success may mean that you’ve gone into some kind of shock.’
‘I’m always pleasant. I’m known for it!’
‘Hmmm. And your modesty up until about three seconds ago!’
‘Will you hush, I’m trying to say something important.’
‘Would you not rather wait until we got to our surprise destination?’
‘No, I think now is good. You just look at the road and I’ll just look at the road and then I can… look, I want to say sorry. I know you must think I’m as mad as a box of frogs. I was mean to you, I ignored you when I had said I would get in touch and I shouted at you, which was very liberating, but… um… very wrong and I’d like to explain why.’
‘Rosy, you don’t need to explain anything to—’
‘Yes, yes I do. Because I don’t want you to think of me as anything other than me, and I don’t like that I behaved that way. I try really hard to always make people comfortable, and you, who have been nothing short of lovely to me, and the school, well, I made you feel uncomfortable and I’m cross with myself. But I do have a really good reason.’
‘Go on then, Rosy Winter, what is your really good reason?’
‘Eyes on the road! Thank you. OK, I’m just going to say this, I’m not going to think, I’m just going to blurt and it might not be very articulate but it’s probably the best way.’
‘You could probably have said it by now.’
‘Don’t be mean, I’m trying to! Right, when I met you that first time and I was a bit cross because I was late and you were lovely and gave me that plant but more than that you were just so gorgeous that… um… I had a strong physical reaction to you, a reaction that I haven’t felt in a very long time and you made me feel like a teenager. Feeling like a teenager should be good…’
‘Yup.’
‘But for me it wasn’t. You see, I haven’t felt attracted to someone like I was to you that day – and every day I saw you after – since I fell in love at eighteen.’
‘Are you saying you love me, Miss Winter?’
‘No, I’m bloody not, let me speak! When I fell in love at eighteen it was a huge mistake and it’s affected the way I have dealt with relationships ever since. So for me, when I realized how attracted I was to you, it scared me.’
Matt indicated and swung the car in to the side of the road. Parking up, he turned to her and grabbing both of her hands looked her in the eyes, his mouth set in a little listen-to-me smile.
‘No, no! Don’t stop the car, don’t look at me, this is humiliating enough. Please let me speak whilst you drive or I’ll never get it finished, and I really want this to be finished.’
‘But, Rosy, we all make mistakes and judgement calls at eighteen that we regret, I mean really regret, later.’
Rosy shook his hands off. ‘Please, drive the car, I’ve got more to explain, and as far as judgement calls go, this one was fairly life shattering.’ As he drove off again she continued to speak. ‘Now, I know I’ve just made you drive and what I’m about to say next may shock you so heads up, but keep your eyes on the road and remember this is about teenage Rosy, not adult Rosy, and everything is good now. My judgement call, as you put it, meant I ended up in an abusive relationship with a master of manipulation. It ended with me losing my job, having to switch universities and losing everyone I had assumed was my friend there. I was so in love with him but he beguiled me, spread lies about me and ultimately made me a prisoner. When I finally escaped no one believed me and it has resulted in more than a few trust issues. I was always too scared to tell anybody anything. So you see when I felt those clutches of such fierce attraction again I was terrified. I couldn’t trust my judgement so I needed to put you at a distance, and then I’d actually see you and struggle to do so because you were so lovely, and then the fear would strike again and the conflict has been running through my head and driving me mad for weeks now and I just want it to stop. And that night of the party I screamed at you because I felt that you were all over my life, but that had nothing to do with you, it was all about Josh, that was his name, and Chase made me see it.’
Rosy stopped for a second to draw breath. ‘And I’m so very sorry I was so hot and cold with you, but I was scared and now I’m not. Well, I am a little bit, but like normal scared not Josh scared because I know you’re you and no one else and the you that you are seems pretty great, and I’m worried I’ve ruined it and I really want to make it up to you, and I want you to understand why I was the way I was and how I’m going to try really hard not to let any of it affect us any more and will you forgive me, and can we not mention it again, at least tonight anyway and ooh, are we at Penmenna Hall? Oh wow!’
Rosy finally stopped speaking as she realized that Matt, who had done a beautiful job of listening and not interrupting, was coming to a halt.
It was dark outside and there was a patter of rain on the car roof, but there in front of her was the long path to the orangery, lit by the twinkle of candles. She squinted but it was hard to see precisely; it looked like tea lights had been laid out in jam jars to illuminate the path. One or two were flickering out as the rain grew stronger and drops caught and extinguished the odd flame. The inside of the orangery was equally illuminated, those candles protected from the rain and casting out a glow of welcome.
Rosy’s breath caught in her throat as she realized this was Matt’s surprise, and she turned to him as he switched the engine off.
‘Rosy, there is so much I need to say about what you’ve just told me, I knew there was something, but this, this… well it must have been so…’
‘Shhh, please.’ Rosy’s eyes widened in her best puppy-dog look. ‘I know we’ll need to talk about it some more, but for tonight, just tonight can we forget it now, and accept my apology and know I’m not completely mad. I just have a little bit of baggage which, as sure as dammit, I’m not going to let influence this chance we’ve got any more.’
‘So we’ve got a chance? That’s good to hear.’
‘Well, we might not if you don’t stop talking and take me in the orangery.’
‘Take you in the orangery? Well, I’d only planned a movie night, but if you insist!’
‘You’re a fool!’ Rosy couldn’t help but giggle as she raised her hand to give him a friendly punch on the arm.
